Sucks to Be Me
I am so fucking tired and I’m so fucking fat. All those long work days. All those hours on the treadmill. Yet our stock tanked. And I gained five fucking pounds from Starbucks runs, Specialty’s cookies, chips, burgers, onion rings,…
Hot or Not
My fiance thinks Kim Kardashian is hot. Excuse me? Did you say KK? Daughter of OJ Simpson’s defense attorney. Stepdaughter of Bruce Jenner. I was shocked. I mean, I think of her as a high-class prostitute. Remember that porn video…
The Chosen Ones
You know how there are those one or two people in the world who you totally despise. Like the long-time Burner who’s a total bitch and everyone talks about her behind her back, but she thinks she’s the coolest fur-wearing…
Gay Talk
Dean and I got into a fight Saturday night while we were on the phone. He was out drinking with friends. I was home alone after a night of Litcrawl. I felt so depressed, suffocating in a studio apartment by…
I Write, Therefore I Am
My mom taught me arithmetic and multiplication, but my dad took me to the library almost every afternoon after his night shift as a postal clerk. He would sit in a big dark wooden table surrounded by newspapers and magazines….