After the trauma of separation and divorce, I’ve slowly found peace and happiness as a single mom. As I mentioned a year ago, which still holds true today, this was no easy feat that required intense therapy, prayer and meditation. I also picked up a new habit of running to zone into the present versus focusing on the challenges of the past and what the future holds. Little old me transforming emotional pain into the physical, grinding it out (one foot in front of the other), and letting all that salty sweat evaporate. Poof!
Every day: gratitude, prayer, meditation, afternoon run. Rinse and repeat.
I raged early on, not just against my ex, but myself, my circumstances, the unfairness of it all. Then came compassion. Some friends and family have taken sides, which is to be expected. There are those who shun me although I know I’ve done nothing wrong; I divorced with the utmost respect for my partner of 10 years and the father of my son.
It also goes both ways, with a friend commenting, “I always knew Dean was such a jerk.”
What? Hold on. We can all be civil and mature about this. No need for an insurrection.
There are no sides to choose in a divorce. Only respect for all parties involved, and love. That’s it. Choose love.
Today on the 4th of July, I also choose love of country. Despite the Trump supporters, police brutality, the racism, the polarization, I choose love.
My friends have ruminated, “My manager hasn’t said anything about Asian violence during our team meetings.” Or “My colleagues didn’t ask how my family in Israel is doing.” Always my response was, “Did you turn to your black network after Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, or George Floyd and ask how they were doing?” No, because people can’t see outside their own community. Injustice towards your own is something worth fighting for. But when there’s injustice against another community, then silence. Equality will be achieved when there is justice for all. Let’s work to be more inclusive in our demands.
After the Olympic hopeful Sha’Carri Richardson tested positive for marijuana, she tweeted, “I am human.” How powerful to admit fallibility and own up to the mistake.
We are stressed. We are challenged. Yet we figure out how to cope, and persevere. It’s just like love. It can be complete bliss, then absolute devastation. But you never stop trying, because it’s that good. Just like freedom and independence are that good. We deserve love. We deserve freedom, independence, happiness. And not just us, but everyone. As we look toward the Olympics, post-pandemic, we’re eyeing second chances and gold.
Happy Birthday America! I salute your maddening complexity, your diversity, your soulfulness. You remind me of myself: error-prone, curious, complicated, gritty. I have so much faith in you as I do for myself.