I’m going to get honest here. I would have been ok not having kids. When I was younger, I used to say I’d get my tubes tied instead of using birth control because I didn’t want kids. Then I finally got married at the age of 35 and I was still fine being childless. But Dean insisted we try, that we do everything possible (including IVF, which we didn’t) and even adoption (which I preferred) to have a family.
Reluctantly, I was poked and prodded and examined as to why we weren’t conceiving. Duh, we were both old and pushing the limits. Eventually we were blessed with three natural pregnancies, with the final pregnancy producing the love of my life Franco. I love him more than anything or anyone. I would sacrifice my life for him. He is all that I want. I don’t want to keep dividing my time between Dean, Franco, another kid, work and everything else. I am one and done.
Nevertheless, I feel sad for Franco, that he will be an only child. Most only children I talk to are happy, well-adjusted, and extremely social. But it’s hard for me to get over the fact that most only children go on to have multiple kids of their own! Is it because they wish they’d had a sibling?
While a family of three is perfect for me, I truly enjoy being around big families. I see large households and think, “This is so fun! What an amazing thing: the hustle and bustle of so many kids and all their friends.”
What about you? How many did you want and how many do you have?
Would especially love to hear from anyone who was an only child. Please share your perspective.
I can honestly say that for me having my two is just perfect and when I do get asked if I am ever going to have more I truthfully answer that two is it for us. While when I was younger, I wouldn’t have ruled out having more, after being high risk with my second, being on bedrest and fears of possibly losing her during that pregnancy, I made that decision that I wouldn’t push my luck after that and just being grateful and blessed to have had been able to carry and birth two healthy babies. But again that is just me though and would never imply that that would work for someone else. Love how honest you were here and thank you also for sharing your feelings on this 🙂
janine, you have the perfect family with your two girls. i especially love to see how your husband is so involved in their activities.
I wish I had a better perspective but I’m one of FIVE! Cassidy is an only child. Oddly, like you say, he wants more. I’m ok with two but if my family keeps pushing for three.. it’s temping. I’d like to adopt, though.
I’ve been through enough pregnancy/labor stuff to last a lifetime and I know you get that.
i hate to push, tamara, but i can see you having a third! you have such a fun, lovable, creative household…the more the merrier. also i hear that the older kids are a big help with the younger ones. i can already see scarlet playing this role!
I wasn’t sold on having kids either. I’m an only child and *somewhat* normal.
But I ended up with 3 (!!). I feel really lucky now. At some point, I all of a sudden HAD to have kids and then it was like 0-3 in 15 months! I think to some degree, whatever happens, happens. Only children can turn out great or not, and kids with siblings can turn out great or not. I don’t think you can ever predict behavior or personality based on the number of kids you have. I do know that you guys are amazing and Franco will be so grateful to have you both as parents once he’s at the age to conceive of these things.
you are not normal, joanna. you are my zany, intelligent, hilarious burning man friend! i can’t believe you ended up with 3 in 15 months, but again, that goes to show how crazy you are. i still have to meet your kiddos!
I don’t know what I am because my family structure is a mess. I was adopted and “brothers” I have are almost 19 and 17 1/2 years older than I was and they were not around at all while growing up. I have tried to foster relationships with them as adulthood but let’s say there is and will be no relationship with them, not that I didn’t try.
I didn’t want kids (because I had no role model for a father and was afraid I would be a horrible father) but I ended up with two, who I love very much.
I think you and Dean are doing and will do a wonderful job with Franco.
i didn’t know this about you, patrick. thank you for sharing. despite your family history, you turned out to be a well-adjusted person and a great father.
We talked about having a third, but neither my husband nor I felt like we were missing a piece of our family – we felt complete with the four of us.
My parents are each only children, and my mother always said she wished she had siblings. I really missed having no aunts, uncles and especially cousins. I love the relationship my kids have with their extended family.
I understand the feeling sad for Franco, though. While my kids have each other, I do feel a bit sad that neither of them has a same gender sibling. But it’s all they know, and being an only child is all Franco will know, and they will all be well-adjusted!
totally agree, dana. what you have, though, is probably what most parents strive for: one of each gender! once parents have their girl and boy, then they’re done…unless they end up having 4 boys or 5 girls. we all know people like that! what makes me feel ok about franco is that so many older parents these days have only children, plus he has his cousins…so he will certainly be well-adjusted.
I was one of two; my husband was one of five. We ended up having 3. We have two boys and a girl. I see how close my sister in laws are, and I wish my daughter had that. We talked about having four, but it never happened. Interestingly enough, the two boys are close, and my daughter is close to our younger son. Hopefully someday the two oldest will get along better. My husband’s siblings are all very close…I’d like that for my kids.
i’m pretty sure that when your kids are adults, they will all be close. of course, there are closer bonds than others (from what i can gather from other families). it was just me and my sister and i’m close to her, so i never knew what favoritism was like. also, my parents never ever showed favoritism which i think is so important. that said, once you grow up in a close family like yours, then the future is so positive when it comes to family and hanging out (i.e., birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.).
I’ve always wanted a big rowdy family. I have one younger sibling and Bryan is the middle of three, but I also have learned to take what I’m offered. Would also love to adopt. Am 37 now and sometimes I think that one child would be amazing, too–regardless, I am certain that Franco knows love wherever he goes… that’s always most important, right?
XOXO and always so lovely to be back here 🙂