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My Heart is Heavy

flowers (1)Shootings in Baton Rouge, Minneapolis and Dallas. Attack on Nice. In a world seemingly full of hate, all we can do is love.

I continue to pray for the victims and their families, but also the perpetrators. If they had felt love and acceptance, maybe we would be in a better place. I cannot change what has transpired, but I can change the hate in my heart when I feel wronged or I don’t get my way.

At my work building, I had an affinity for one of our security guards. He was a loner, so I made a point to greet him with a big hug every time I saw him. “Richard!” I lit up, “How was your weekend?” Or “Where were you last week? I missed you.”

One day, he excitedly told me he had gotten a new job working one of the big high rises a few blocks away. I told him how I proud I was of him, but that him leaving would be a huge loss for our building. He confided, “You always been nice to me. No one else like that here. They could care less if I go, but you…you always care. You’re the only one I’ll miss when I leave.”

I blushed because I did truly care for him. He was a ray of sunshine I got to experience when I came to work in the mornings. I wish I’d known his building address because I’d certainly visit him.

But I relay this story to point out that I don’t care for everyone. I pick and choose my favorites. What if, instead, I could practice kindness towards everyone? Not just people who are nice to me. I’ve discussed before that I have huge issues with laziness or sub-par work ethic. It literally makes my blood boil. But I’ve been working on my temper when it comes to this. I ponder, what is this trying to teach me? How can I be more Christ-like? More zen, more chill? What behaviors do I want to model for my son?

We read a book to Franco called ‘Little Monkey Calms Down,’ an excellent demonstration of techniques you can use if you are angry: cuddle with your blankie, take a deep breath, sing a song… It’s so cute because he will run up and grab his blanket when we get to that page. Or exaggerate his breathing.

I read about these tragedies and I start to become numb. I feel helpless. But peace starts with me. I can strive to be a better person who projects warmth and kindness. I can be a role model for the next generation, by exhibiting good behavior in front of my son. I can teach him to love others, to foster diverse relationships and to learn from situations where he feels misunderstood or angry.

Transformation is possible within ourselves and in the world.

 

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07.18.16

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Comments

  1. Janine Huldie

    July 18, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    I just have no words for all the tragedy that has occurred in recent times, but truly love the way you are looking at it and thank you for the reminder of how we should try to act more often than not. Hugs, Catherine <3

    Reply
  2. Dana

    July 18, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Yes. Transformation is possible; I refuse to believe it isn’t. It starts with us, with those small acts of kindness. Thanks for sharing your story about the security guard – with so much awfulness in the media, we need to be aware of all the good that is happening.

    Reply
  3. Charlotte

    July 21, 2016 at 8:10 am

    My heart feels unbelievably heavy, too. As much as I try to escape it, I think there are certainly moments when it just feels overwhelming and all-encompassing. But you’re absolutely right. Kindness starts within and it’s a small movement we can begin to share with small gestures–holding doors, smiling at strangers, and talking to someone we may otherwise not approach.

    That book you read to your son sounds lovely <3 Sending so many XOXOs your way, sweet friend.

    Reply
  4. Mo

    July 27, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Time after time we are reminded that kindness is the key to everything. But it is so hard, in the face of all the darkness around us, to keep ourselves pointed toward the light even though we know it is the only answer.

    Reply

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Welcome to my site, derived from an advice column I wrote while getting my MBA. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. I give helpful, opinionated advice based on my own experience and from the expertise of my extensive network. For more, click here.

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