How to Be Successful in Online Dating

I love the topic of online dating for a variety of reasons: 1) my blog started out documenting my adventures as a single girl dating in San Francisco, 2) I did online dating off and on for a LONG time, 3) I met my husband on Match.com, and 4) a lot of my friends and readers are still single.

Now that I’ve read comedian Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance cowritten with NYU Sociology Professor Eric Klinenberg and mathematician Hannah Fry’s The Mathematics of Love, I thought I’d share these tips on how to be successful in online dating.

Date a Lot

I’m a firm believer in maximizing your odds. With so many options (Tinder, OkCupid, eHarmony), you might as well take advantage of all that is available to you! That means registering on multiple sites, and continuing to date other people even if you think you’ve found ‘the one.’ I got burned so many times thinking that I’d met my future husband, and next thing you know, I was getting dumped and crying my eyes out for weeks. Don’t let this happen to you. Keep on, keeping on! Dean bristles that it took him 20+ emails before he got to meet me in person. Sorry, buddy! I was dating other guys at the time. And hey, persistence paid off for Dean.

Emphasize Your Unfair Competitive Advantage

Short, bald, fat? Play it up! In her research, Hannah Fry discovered that the majority of online users stay away from the typical beauties. Why? Because the average person does not think they stand a chance contacting Bradley Cooper or Miranda Kerr. Further, why would anyone waste their time contacting a supermodel when the competition is high? Wouldn’t you rather focus your energy on a profile where you may get a response? That means contacting someone who is attractive to you, but you think may not be so interesting to others. This is why it’s important when you craft your profile to not hide what you think may be unattractive. That 6th finger? Emphasize it!

Hannah gives the example of Portia de Rossi and Sarah Jessica Parker. Who do you think would do better in online dating?

Stop Filtering So Damn Much

We think we know what we want, but it turns out that we absolutely don’t. We want someone who is this certain height, this certain age, but all of that goes out the window when you actually meet someone in person. Research shows that the characteristics we think are important to us, do not align with what we’re actually attracted to. This all means that we should stop filtering and just go out and meet people!

Try to Remain Invested

Aziz gives the example of his dad who was given 3 options for an arranged marriage. He met all 3. One was too tall, another too short, and one who was just right. That was it! Height was all he based his decision on and they’ve been happily married for a lifetime! This goes to show that falling in love with someone and maintaining that loving relationship takes time, deep interactions, and sustained activity.