I believe I read somewhere that San Francisco is now the most expensive city in the United States. Housing is one of the main factors as home prices and rents are sky-rocketing. But now that I’ve researched child care options and put Franco in various situations, I can confirm that paying for child care has to be another reason people are leaving the city in droves for the burbs. I can count on one hand the number of friends we have with kids that still live in the city. It’s very sad. Honestly, while we would love to stay in San Francisco, we are also eyeing properties elsewhere.
Wanted to share my thoughts on child care in San Francisco having gone through the process. It sucks!
Here are the options.
1. Have family (i.e., grandparents) take care of your kid.
Score! If this is a possibility, more power to you. But most people who live in San Francisco weren’t born and raised in the city. They’re transplants. So I don’t know anyone who is in this situation. Lucky me, my mom recently retired so we will be using her a couple days a week.
2. Hire an au pair.
This is another ideal situation (since it’s super cheap), but in order to accommodate an au pair, you need an extra bedroom which doesn’t come easily in SF. You’re essentially looking at a home in the $1.5+ million range to accommodate an au pair.
3. Put your kid in daycare.
You’d think that daycare is a cheap alternative, but not in SF. The cheapest one I could find was $85/day. Most charge by the month which average around $2,000. Even if you find a daycare you like, good luck getting in. Most waitlists are so long that you should get on them as soon as you get engaged. I’m talking pre-pregnancy! And you have to be really persistent because these people don’t answer their phones or emails. Why should they when they have a waitlist that extends to eternity?
What I like about daycares is that they’re regulated. In San Francisco, you can call the Children’s Council and get the 411 on any daycare you’re considering. Guess what? Each daycare I asked about had some kind of violation! They weren’t egregious, but still: a) illegal workers on staff, b) taking care of more kids than their license allowed, c) during a random drop-in, it was discovered that a baby had been in his car seat for several hours. Awful!
4. Hire a nanny.
This is the most popular option. Most people I know use nannies. You can hire a nanny to care for your kid one-on-one which will cost anywhere between $17-22/hour. Or you can be part of a nanny share, where two families/2 kids will split the hourly share rate averaging between $22-26/hour. That’s a lot of money. We were part of a nanny share, where we paid $11/hour for a minimum of 50 hours a week. That means even if we only needed the nanny for 4 days out of the week (say we took a vacation day), we still would have to pay $550/week. On top of that, nannies in SF have standard contracts granting them 2 weeks paid vacation, 1 week paid sick leave, and again minimum hours worked. That’s good money for some nannies who aren’t educated and English isn’t their first language! I say that just as a data point because while background is important, what you’re really looking for is someone who will love your child. I could care less if they’re fresh off the boat.
I do love the personalized attention that kids get from nannies, but I’ve heard several nanny horror stories. If you ever catch me in person, we’ve got one that will blow your mind! Not something that I can really discuss here as that one went to court! But I hear from stay-at-home friends how nannies will just be gabbing away at the park, not paying any attention to the kids, or how they’ll take a picture of the kid to send to the parent, then neglect them. Ugh, so sad.
5. Stay home.
This is probably the ideal scenario. Personally, I am no stay-at-home parent. Major props to people who are, but I am not domestic. I’m not crafty. I don’t cook. I spent the better part of my adult life nuking Lean Cuisines for lunch and dinner. I’m not cut out to spend all day, every day tending to a slobbery infant. I joke with Dean that he should be the stay-at-home dad, but he’s not up for the challenge either.
Would love to hear stories from my readers. Please comment below!
photo credit: merwing✿little dear via photopin cc
I’d HAVE to stay home. That is way to expensive! I have a coworker doing a nanny share and day care is notoriously expensive here. I heard recently that top four most expensive cities to live in are NYC, SF, DC, San Diego. We are covered!! I can’t remember the order but I think SD was 4th. How great that you have a parent that can help. My sister is in NC and it’s way cheaper there but it’s still not cheap.
cece, i haven’t been to san diego in forever, but i know the lifestyle is amazing. it’s a great place to be…even if child care is expensive.
Trust me I never thought I would be a stay at home mom and many days I still ask myself how I am doing this, but still for now it is working for us for me to be at home and work from home as well. But I know it is seriously so expensive to raise kids nowadays and also pay for childcare on top of it all.
janine, you have the best of both worlds—being there for your daughters and working from home. i wish i had work from home privileges with my job, but i don’t. it would be so much easier if i did. it really is sooo expensive raising kids these days. i had no idea until now!
Hi Catherine!!!! I commented on one of your post last month, but it looks like it never went through…ugh! Anywho, can’t remember what I posted ,lol, but wanted to congratulate you on your new addition…he’s absolutely ADORABLE!! So happy for you all!
I know what you mean about childcare! I ended up being a SAHM about 21 years ago, when my husband and I realized it was advantageous for me stay home. By the time we payed the babysitter/daycare, bought lunches, etc….my paycheck looked more like a shoe size. 😀 But seriously, it took a pretty big hit. But, I have to admit, I’ve enjoyed every minute of it! Enjoy the time you have off with your little one and when the time comes to make that decision, I’m sure you and the hubby will make the right one for your family! Have a wonderful rest of your week my friend!
thank you michell! even though kids are expensive, they are well worth it. they bring such joy! every time our son giggles, i am simply over the moon 🙂
Wow, that’s sobering. I’ve vacationed twice in San Francisco, and each time was charmed enough to imagine living there, but scared enough of the prices of everything to go “Nah.” And I didn’t have a kid living with me at the time, so I never even thought about childcare! Thanks for the reality check!
yes, leslie, be glad you don’t live here. this place is insane! i don’t know how we are able to survive.
I’d have to stay home because my work is at home, but I assure you I’m not crafty or domestic either!
I do put my toddler in part-time daycare so I can work at home in peace and he loves it too.
It’s pretty cheap here, though.
tamara, i think if i were able to work from home, that would help out, but i don’t have work from home privileges. sigh. everything’s so expensive here, aren’t you glad you don’t live here anymore!
I live in the DC metropolitan area and San Fran is now #2 compared to DC – DC is now the most expensive place to live in this country and it surely is tough living here if you’re not financially able to. The most richest city here is Falls Church ranking in a medium household income of $121,252 or so. I grew up in a part of Falls Church not that fancy, Lol! The cost of living is obscene here and there no doubt – I don’t fathom how some do it with certain income restrictions. I can’t be a stay at home either – I don’t have that patience, I feel more useful outside the home. I’d go crazy all day in my house everyday! Best of luck figuring your way and have a great one Catherine! -Iva
hi iva! i did hear that DC was expensive as well. glad us san franciscans aren’t alone!
I ended up staying home with Kid 1 – not by choice, though. I got laid off when 7 months pregnant, and since we planned to move from Chicago to CA within his first year, it just didn’t make sense for me to try to re-establish my career at that point. I ended up doing part-time work on a freelance-y sort of basis up until a couple of months ago; before he turned two, we had a nanny for him on the days that I worked and, from two to five, he went to daycare/preschool.
With Kid 2, I was in a permanent part-time situation by the time he came along, and I went back to work when he was four months, again doing the nanny thing (we were in Mountain View by then, but the prices are still comparable). We’re still doing that now that I’m full-time – and OUCH, it’s pricey. That said, I have no doubt it’s best for him, because we’ve been lucky enough to find a nanny we trust implicitly (and – in the reverse of what you describe – have heard stories from other parents about seeing him with our boys and how great he is with them).
He’ll turn two in July; our plan is, come fall, to have him spend half the day in the same daycare/preschool his brother went to, and half the day with the nanny (who, thankfully, is game for this plan as well). We’ll then gradually increase his preschool time over the next few years.
Childcare doesn’t eat up my entire paycheck – but it does consume a good chunk of it. That said, we keep reminding ourselves that this will be the only time that we’ll ever need a full-time nanny – we can muddle through for a year, and then costs will go down somewhat year after year.
Either way, though – raising a kid in the Bay Area is not cheap. Earlier this year, both my husband and I were looking for work, and I’ll readily admit that we both expanded our searches to several other parts of the country in the interest of finding a more reasonable cost of living. We both happened to get offers around here before anywhere else – but if Chicago, Seattle, or Austin (all places where one of us was somewhat along in the interview process) had come through, I imagine we’d have moved with very little question. Which is kind of sad.
Oh, one more thing, though – while I’m not legally obligated to give my nanny vacation and sick leave, I choose to – because I figure, I expect it from my employer, why shouldn’t he expect it from me?
michaela, did i read your comment right. you have a male nanny…a manny? that is awesome. i haven’t seen that option around here. i would totally jump on it.
my family is here so we would never move, but i do think how much easier life would be if we lived in seattle or la or portland or any other area but the bay!
and yes, i just keep thinking…the expenses will drop as time goes on.
Yes, it’s true, our nanny is a dude! And I swear, he is the ONLY one with enough energy to keep up with both of our spazzy boys – I don’t know what we’d do without him!
And yes, we would think very differently if we had any family at all anywhere nearby – but since our family is all either in Chicago or on the East Coast (well, one person is in Tucson in the winter), we don’t have any roots keeping us here. But now that we both have jobs we’re happy with, it looks like we’re sticking around for the foreseeable future. (So, hey, maybe you and I will catch up at an alumni event one of these days… what’s it been, three years?)
i want a manny for my son! i know, i’m going to try to go to more alumni events. i’ve gone to several, but i think we’ve gone to different ones. let’s try to sync up soon!
First of all I am completely shocked about the violations you describe at the day cares! That is terrible! Especially the child in the car seat.
I think child care in NYC is probably similar to San Fran. I have to say that nannies are very popular but I have seen them when I am home during the day on occasion and have not been impressed. I saw one women pushing a double stroller with her headphones on talking on the phone. If I’m paying you that much money there are two people you are allowed to talk on the phone to during the day: me and 911. I’ve also heard from other moms that some nannies will refuse to have playdates with certain kids because they don’t like the nannies of those kids. Again, not acceptable. For the amount of money they make and the benefits they get, I really think there should be more regulation and education required. Honestly! And then there was a huge news story from last year or the year before of the nanny on the Upper West Side that went nuts and killed the kids. The horror stories make me cringe!
britt, that story you brought up about the UWS nanny brought me back to those gruesome memories. i remember reading about it and feeling so heartbroken for that family! you cracked me up about being on the phone and how nannies should only be allowed to talk to you and 911. i will say that there are requirements written into the contract (i.e., no texting while driving, no TV, no phone calls more than 5 minutes long, etc.)…but still. it is hard to monitor if there’s no regulation!
This is such a tough issue. I stayed home with my kids for a few years then was able to get my old job back on a part-time/flexible basis. My daughter and son-in-law are struggling with this question now. There is no right answer and too few affordable options.
mo, i wish there were more flex options: like being able to work from home, part-time schedules, etc. where a woman doesn’t have to fit the mold of going into the office and working 50 hours a week!
What I did not fully realize until giving birth three years ago was that having children, in general, is expensive. From childcare to other child necessities and extras (Gymboree classes, swim memberships, clothes and all the experimentation of activities, “stuff”, food ).
We currently live in Atlanta (I am a Bay Area native) and the cost of child care, quality child care, I feel is astronomical. We currently pay $13k a year, not quite the 20k that it is the Bay Area but that cost of care is not encompassing the $5k – 6k we pay for morning nanny care and other days my three year old cannot go to nursery school due to sickness, work issues/emergencies etc.. I will say that we have found care that is worth the cost, but I am just glad we can afford it.
When I first gave birth, I went through the same research you did, au pair, nanny care, nursery school, etc .. trying to understand and acclimate to the costs associated with all those options and I came to realize that child care, due to us working long hours and being away from our families in the Bay Area, that child care is expensive, regardless of where you are.
Moreover, as my son continues to grow up, the choices for care/school does not get any easier. Public or private? That is the internal debate that we are having now. I did a quick run of the numbers and it will roughly cost us $250,000 to educate our son if we keep on paying the same annual cost of school/child care.
Good luck on your choices.
gwendolyn, thank you for commenting. great to hear your insight. you’re right. it doesn’t get any easier. next step is preschool, then elementary school… there are so many different options to consider which may seem great because there are so many choices, but even landing where you want (i.e., your ideal school) takes a lot of perseverance.
So nice to be back here and read your stories! My son is already 3 and we never had a nanny even when we thought of getting one several times. I just can’t set my mind with the idea of a stranger taking care of my son and yes, there are lotsa horror stories! Lucky for us because my husband is up to the challenge of being a stay at home dad for about 4 months now and good luck to me for having one income family. But everything’s been working just fine for us at least for now.
rea, you’re so lucky to have your husband. can i come over and hang out?! yes it is so hard to leave your child with a stranger. you have to do your due diligence, talk to references, and see how your child reacts every morning during drop-off. it isn’t easy!
Child care is one of the many reasons I worry that I’ll never be able to afford a child. It’s also major motivation to stay near family and friends.
stefanie, since you live in nyc, you are definitely in for sticker shock when it comes time to have a kid. it’s funny because pre-kid, i used to fret about spending $75 on a dress or making expensive travel plans. now that i’m spending $2500/month on child care, all of that was just a drop in the bucket. so laughable.
My daughter was in a licensed day care center from ages 1 to 3, and then I stopped working when my son was born. My salary barely covered child care for two kids! I didn’t make much though, and I didn’t love my job. Fortunately my husband’s salary is enough, but I know that for many families two incomes isn’t a choice.
i feel like this is an area where we need government support! america is really behind when it comes to maternity leave and child care.
This post made me cringe! Child care in SF does not sound cheap or easy to come by. You’re lucky to have your mom available. For the first 3 years, I had my daughter and eventually my son go to a private in-home day care which was perfect at only $30 per day per child. I think the average around here in the Chicago burbs is $60-75 per day. Her rates went up and then she required us to go full-time even if we only needed her for a few days a week, so then we hired a nanny for one year. She didn’t drive and it started to become overwhelming to pick her up and drop her off. Finally, my husband switched up his schedule and works the night shift at the hospital so he can be with the kids during the day. This has worked really well for us, except my husband doesn’t get to sleep much.