Here’s what I wish I’d known about being pregnant and having a baby.
Pregnancy brain does not apply to everyone. I kept hearing that pregnancy caused forgetfulness or momnesia, but I was never in a fog during pregnancy.ย Tired, absolutely. Unable to focus and concentrate, not really. Probably because my job demanded a lot from me, I didn’t have time to make mistakes and redo shit.
Go on a babymoon.ย I’m all for vacations, specifically one big vacation before the baby arrives. We didn’t really have time for one and I regret that. There’s a lot of talk about birthing classes and lactation consultants. I say forget that stuff and go on a babymoon. You’ll never have a chance to sleep in again!
Setup a registry on Amazon. I can’t believe I considered not registering for anything. I figured we could simply buy everything ourselves. But friends and family will want to help, so do yourself a favor and register. Everyone seems to have an Amazon account these days which makes registering on that site convenient for everyone.
The best indicator of when you are going to deliver may be genetic. Apparently first time moms tend to deliver past their due date. I honed in on this metric, even though my mom and sister both delivered a week to 10 days early. My life would have been much easier if I had planned around when my own family members delivered.
Work until you deliver. I’m a proponent of working until the baby comes. It kept me from stressing too much over the pregnancy and labor. Otherwise I would have spent my days counting kicks and obsessing over minor details like nursery decorations. Also it doesn’t hurt to get paid your full salary versus a fraction of it through state disability.
During labor and delivery, you will shake violently. I read how many pregnancy books and blogs, subscribed to several pregnancy newsletters, and not once did anyone mention that I was going to have the shivers. I thought there was something wrong with me (like I was potentially dying), until the nurse told me that everyone has that experience due to the rush of hormones.
Ask for supplies and take everything from the hospital. Someone did tell me this and I’m glad I took it to heart. You’re paying for it; take it: sanitary napkins, diapers, wipes, vaseline, medical supplies. Ask for more. We took all that loot home.
Labor is nothing compared to post partum pain. I was told I had level 2 lacerations (level 4 being the worst) with cuts near my urethra and rectum. Considering I have a high pain threshold, I cannot even imagine what level 4 feels like. If I could only go through labor and not have to deal with post partum pain, I could imagine having a soccer club of babies. But I was in so much pain a good week post-delivery that getting pregnant again is the furthest thing from my mind.
Be prepared for your hospital bill! Know what your health insurance’s out of pocket maximum is because you will be paying it. Mine is $4,000. By the time I gave birth, I’d already paid $2,300 out of pocket. The hospital called me to collect the remaining $1,700. Even though we have the money, I still cringed when I got the call. I asked if it could be paid in installments. Of course not!
Your employer will disown you during maternity leave. I’ve been with my company for 10 years. My life is pretty much commingled with work. For example, they pay my cell phone bill and all of my contacts and calendar items (both personal and professional) are in Outlook. Unbeknownst to me, all of my work access was deactivated. My Blackberry did a complete reboot and I no longer have access to any of my contacts. In other words, I can’t make a phone call without emailing someone and asking for their phone number. It has been a big pain in the ass.
Lastly, this is a message for visitors.
Be helpful. In no way should you be inconveniencing parents who are sleep-deprived. That means holding the baby for an extended period of time, offering to run errands…anything but hanging out and expecting to be entertained. It’s hard to say no to visitors since you’re clearly home and have no excuse to give, but some of the visits have been more stressful than they should have been.
Meghan Boots (@bootsatherbest)
This is a great list. Thanks for sharing.
I hate that your company didn’t contact you to notify you prior to mat leave about their policy to turn off your access to your phone, etc. Especially since you’ve been working there for a while. I just think in the scheme of things it would’ve been a better policy to leave it all activated, or to at least tell you. Mine stayed activated but I had no desire to check-in with work.
I encourage everyone to check out their companies’ policies regarding women-related issues and propose changes here and there. In a lot of cases, policies can be changed relatively easily as companies need to compete for talent.
Thanks again for sharing.
Janine huldie
Totally took everything that wasn’t nailed down both times to be quite honest. You are so right that when in doubt you are indeed paying for it, so could nt agree more. By the way, I was also in more pain after having Emma then Lily. I think the body is better equipt for delivering babies in subsequent births, but I am in no means advocating to have more. I totally am done here, but still that second time out wasn’t nearly as bad for me delivery wise.
Rea
I definitely delivered like 2 weeks earlier than my supposed due date. And I’m with you with working until giving birth. I worked full time. I filed a leave 10 days prior to my due date and I gave birth on the first day right after I left work. Pregnancy is the last thing on my mind since I gave birth. ๐ I’m really ok with just one kid.
Michelle
It took a year to start to feel normal down there. I love the hospital swag! We didn’t buy any newborn diapers plus once it’s open they can’t give it to anyone else. I still have the water mug next to my bed. Your job is messed up though at least you have an excuse to really not do work. Labor and delivery is crazy expensive particularly in the U.S. $10-20k. Still not into baby moons but since coming from Greece the post partum mommy vacay was somewhat emotional but also the best thing for all of us
Tamara
I don’t remember this with Scarlet but I shook a lot with Des. And I had a mysterious fever that went away when he was born!
Hope you’re having some blissful times! Tired, but blissful times.
Mo at Mocadeaux
Yikes! I delivered both of my babies 3 weeks past my due date! Hope I haven’t passed that on to my daughter! Do they still let you go that far past the due date. God I hope not!
Great list, Catherine! Hope you are feeling better every day!
AwesomelyOZ
Man it’s things like that which remind me why I had one child – my post-partum experience wasn’t that horrific but that is because I was on an epidural so most of the time I was drugged enough to not feel anything – other than that, most of it I think I mentally blocked out. Hopefully, if you have parents and helping family members nearby they can help watch the kiddo so you catch some zZz’s – napping makes all the difference the first few weeks. Your employer needs to get it together – did they not forewarn you that they would deactivate your phone? I’d be peeved. Hope your recovery is going well and that you’re enjoying these first few weeks with Franco! ๐ -Iva
Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life
Oh, that last one. I remember one particular instance well. I’d had a c-section, was in a lot of pain and exhausted and yet cooking dinner for my guests.
Hope all is going well…I’ve been thinking about you!
Cece @Pink Sunshine
Crazy how expensive that is WITH insurance. My co worker used a birthing center and it cost about that much and it’s not covered at all.
Britt@MyOwnBalance
I have definitely never heard of the shaking thing before! Glad you told me! ๐ I definitely don’t have pregnancy brain either. If anything I get distracted because I’m excited about upcoming ultrasounds, baby clothes, etc, not because I can’t force myself to concentrate if I want to! I also didn’t know about the hospital supplies. I’m making a mental note to file that one away!
Totally agree about the visitor thing! I am terrified! My husband’s family will be visiting from overseas. Of course I want them to come and see the baby but I had a not-so-good experience when his sister came during my first trimester and absolutely no one saw it from my perspective (as in “why is it a big deal if SIL comes home at 3am on a Tuesday and wakes preggo lady up when she has been suffering from pregnancy insomnia for months?). So yeah, clearly this is a hot button issue for me! ๐
Melanie Shebel
Haha! I love your comment about visitors overstaying their welcome. My mom’s biggest complaint about having us kids is that people would come over and want to hear all the gory details when all she wanted to do was sleep.
Roaen
I was at a small conference (i was actually running it) for work when I went into labor… good thing it was local!
dana
I still use the little wash bin I got at the hospital when my daughter was born – I use it to hand wash swimsuits and bras! I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it.
My mother delivered my sister and me early, and I delivered both of my kids early too. I’ll have to remember to pass that info along when it’s needed! Hope the there are doing well, Catherine.
Rachel G
Oh, that last one is so true–some people do not realize how to appropriately visit new parents–either leave them alone, or make your visits quick and helpful–bring food, practical gifts, run errands for them, cuddle the baby–that’s the kind of stuff you ought to do. Too many people don’t seem to know that.
And some moms can work up until they give birth, some can’t, it just depends on the situation. My aunt and sis-in-law worked up until a day or two before they had their babies this year–but with my Mom’s last baby she was on bedrest for the last 10 weeks due to early labor scares. (She was still running the household from her bed, though!)
thedoseofreality
This is some seriously great advice right here! You nailed all of it!!-Ashley
Savvy Working Gal
What an informative post. I bet you can’t find advice like this in the pregnancy books. Congrats again on your new arrival. It will be interesting to learn your biggest surprises about motherhood.