Dean hates talking about death. It’s a subject he’d rather avoid. Whereas I’m big on planning and dreaming up worst case scenarios—which is why I’m such a good business person. The thought of spending money on mausoleums and expensive burial plots, in my mind, is such a waste of hard-earned money. For all I care, bury me in the backyard with a shovel. Cheap and convenient is all I want. Maybe spend the money and have a huge party with a ton of good food. Lots of lumpia, an In-n-Out truck, french fries, and ice-cream cake. Oh and my aunt’s spinach dip. “It’s like crack cocaine,” we like to say.
I also don’t want people gathering around my grave to picnic and reminisce. I’d rather people honor my memory by celebrating their own life. Go for a hike and if you think of me when you encounter a six-legged insect, well then, my life’s work has been done. I love and collect insects, for those of you who don’t know.
Anywho, Dean insists that we’re buried side-by-side. Even in death, we’ll still be together. I joke, “Where is my second husband going to go?” This is where Dean makes a big pouty face.
But last time we had this conversation, I continued, “In all seriousness, if I died, I want you to marry someone else. I want you to be happy. And I want our kid to have a mother.”
I thought about it more and realized, I have absolute faith that Dean would pick the right spouse. I have no doubt he would zero in on someone who was family-oriented and loved our child.
What about you? Do you trust your spouse or partner to find the right person?
What protocols have you put in place to care for your family in the event of an untimely death?
I actually want to haunt him and make sure he never forgets me!! No, in all seriousness, I trust him to find the right person if I die, for him and for our son. We have never talked about that part of it, but I know he wouldn’t take it lightly
I’ve never really thought about it. I worry about enough as it is – that’s one area I actually don’t fret over! Both of us have wills in which we’ve named my sister and brother-in-law the legal guardians of our children should both of us die. Not a fun thing to do, but a necessary one.
I truly don’t try to think about this, but I do hope if anything were to ever happen to me that Kevin would pick the right person, because I know he was good enough to pick me. But then again I seriously hope I don’t have to think about that anytime soon.
We had long discussion about the chain of (child) custody should BOTH of us die. But I never thought about it in terms of trusting him to pick the right step-mom for our boys. I would have to say, “Yes! I trust him.” Because, if not – as Lynne said – I would haunt him!
This very topic is one of my takeaways from the movie ‘The Best Man Holiday.’ I trust my husband to make a solid decision, I just fear that my daughter would have a “new mommy.” Selfish, but my truth.
This is a topic we have never discussed. We’ve had a hard enough time deciding who should have custody if we both should die and we need to change that, because it’s his parents and they are not getting any younger. They live next door to us and they are the only option where our kids would not need to be uprooted from their home.
So tough to think about (I’m with Dean!) but unfortunately necessary. My husband is eight years older than me so I do think that I won’t..get my tubes tied or anything like that..because what if I want more kids one day? With or without him. I hate thinking that way but I’m not doing anything permanent to my body when I’m only 33!
And oh yeah..wills and plan and all that.
Okay, I read your blog. Yes, I hate talking about death (most people do). More importantly, I can’t cope without you. Love is not the dismal science of economics, so please don’t factor worst case scenarios while we’re so young.
If you outlive me you can burn me an urn me. If I outlive you, you’re stuck with me forever, because I’ll be sure to see our burial plots side-by-side for eternity.
Good news is, you’ll still be the BIG spoon. Love, Dean!
… That said, I would just marry your Aunt. Her spinach dip is amazing! 😉
Your husband’s comment above made me smile! And my husband always tells me that I should get married again if he dies. I can’t imagine what that would be like. Him…I think he would marry again, and of course I don’t mind! I’m dead! But it’s bizarre to think about…
Since my mother died and my father has gone to remarry I do think about this more, actually. I trust my husband would pick someone good for my children.-Ashley
I love Dean’s response! Very sweet, right up until the part where he says he will marry your aunt for her spinach dip.
We’ve never talked about remarriage when one of us departs this world but we did, finally, get our wills updated. We had wills done years ago after our son was born but didn’t get around to adding our daughter by name until she was about 23. She would not have been very happy listening to her parents’ wills being read saying all possessions should be split between her brother and “any future children that might come along”. We joke about it now.
I’m with you. Death is so expensive, I don’t get spending a fortune on burial plots and funeral services. Burn me up and party 😉
I have already decided I will not re-marry. I’m currently married to my second husband and even if something happened now I do not wish to marry a third time. My first marriage was more of an “on paper only” marriage but it still counts.
Now, if something happened to me? I would want him to move on and find another woman who made him happy. He deserves that. I don’t think he would seek out another relationship once he was past grieving, but I don’t think he’d shut out the idea entirely.
This is an interesting discussion. Thanks for sharing! Stopping by via SITS.
kim, i’m so glad you stopped by. i am now following you on bloglovin!
While we’re not married yet, my partner and I have discussed this topic. I don’t think I’d remarry because we’re peas in a pod so I think I’d die shortly thereafter (assuming we’re old & gray). He’s already joked that if I die first he’s disappearing into the woods to live humbly and with nature (highly doubtful but its cute). Quite the deep conversation but we’ve covered the gist of it. Have a great one Catherine! -Iva
thanks for commenting, i’m following you now on bloglovin. looking forward to reading more of your posts in the new year.
Funerals are like weddings; a waste of money.
We’ve had this conversation at several points. Having experience the blessing that is marriage, were something unforeseen happen to either one of us, each of us can find happiness however we see fit. There are no protocols in place except as the heart leads. In terms of wills, etc we’re making sure that’s in place.
This conversation seems more pressing when the children are younger but now that they are grown, the perspective changes. I’m irreplaceable but I trust him to find another person if he sees fit, if I have an untimely death and I’m certain it wont be any of my aunts!!!!