On Friday morning, we went in for a prenatal checkup. I’m 13 weeks along and everything was fine. We got to hear the baby’s rapid heartbeat, which to me, sounds like galloping horses. I texted my mom, “Baby’s fine and healthy. Strong heartbeat.” My mom goes to church to pray whenever we have a doctor’s visit, so I need to reassure her that all is well.
As soon as we left the hospital, I had this scratchy sensation in my throat. It progressed and by the end of the work day, I could feel the onset of a cold: really bad sore throat and extreme congestion.
We stayed in that night (as we do most nights), but usually on Fridays we’ll go out to dinner to celebrate the end of a long work week, especially since Dean works from home and I know it must be tough to be cooped up in a 650 square foot apartment all week long. Instead of going out, I had Dean heat up chicken noodle soup and we watched the movie Election with Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick. The WSJ had mentioned it as a DVD rental and I made a note of it since I’d never seen it before, neither had Dean. Very entertaining.
After the movie, I went to the bathroom and noticed bright red blood. As soon as I saw it, I called out to God. I did not say, “Please no. Please make it better. Please rescue this baby.” This time I prayed differently, as my relationship with God has changed over this past year. I said, “God, I trust in you and your plan for me.”
Nevertheless I made a loud panicky groan which caused Dean to rush over. “It’s not that bad,” he soothed.
I was trembling, but in control. “Yes, but we have to call the doctor.” I looked up the pager number the OB nurse had given me for these situations. I left my cell phone number, then a minute later, I left Dean’s cell phone number. I should point out that no one ever called us back. Typical Kaiser.
I called the number for the advice nurse after we left our phone numbers with the pager. I told her what was going on. She said that spotting was normal and only to call back if the symptoms worsened. I hung up the phone reluctantly.
When I went to the bathroom again, the bleeding was worse. Blood had splattered the toilet bowl. I immediately called the advice line again, my words were rushed so I was asked to speak more slowly. “Is this your first pregnancy?”
I choked through my response. “No it’s my third. I’ve had two miscarriages.” Tears ran down my face.
The nurse relayed the same message from the other call. “If you’re soaking several maxipads with blood, then that’s when we would need to see you. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case.”
I pleaded with her, “But can I at least come in and get checked out?”
“Well especially if you’re sick…you sound really congested and have symptoms of a cold, it’s not best to come into the hospital right now.”
I wanted to scream WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF A HOSPITAL IF NOT FOR SICK PEOPLE?!
I waddled over to bed, where I crouched over, and just started crying. Dean cradled me then said, “What if our little slugger is fighting for his life right now? Let’s try to make him feel good, ok?” Dean was right. He brought his laptop over and played U2’s Beautiful Day. I laid real still and tried not to cry.
It’s a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
I don’t know what to say except you have an amazing husband. You poor dear, try to stay as strong as you can. I hope your little slugger made it – you don’t say. I am still hoping and praying that it was a beautiful day and so is today.
“What if our little slugger is fighting for his life right now? Let’s try to make him feel good, ok?” Dean was right. He brought his laptop over and played U2′s Beautiful Day. I laid real still and tried not to cry.
Sometimes that is all you can do.
Shit. I’m sorry you’re having such a scare. Can I cast my vote for you to just go to the ER? Given your history, I don’t think anyone would think twice about you being extra cautious. I mean, yes, everyone knows the ER is a giant pain in the ass – but wouldn’t it be worth it if it put your mind to rest?
I happen to know a few people who had this happen right at the end of the first trimester and turned out totally fine. I actually had spotting and bleeding a bit with my pregnancy with Lily at 21 weeks. I remember going for my 20 week anatomy scan. All was perfect and found out, we were having another girl. Then, a week later, I began to bleed and spot. It ended up I had placenta previa. If your doctor is high risk, I would tell you to have him check your cervix to make sure that it is closed and a sonogram to see if they can see if bleeding coming from your placenta, because that was totally my culprit and honest to god bed rest helped. If not, I agree o go to the ER to have them check you and do a sonogram. Saying tons of prayers for you Catherine and hoping that it is just a scare and nothing more, as well as my good thoughts that this baby isn’t going anywhere but home with you on his/her birthday!
Oh friend I read this right before I sat down for prayer/meditation! Please know you were my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do from away do not hesitate to e-mail me! You are so strong.
Oh, no Catherine – I am praying that your baby is okay. Praying hard.
Storming Heaven with prayers for you, Dean and your little slugger. Hugs to you dear Catherine.
Oh my friend- i am sending so many good thoughts to you, Dean and that precious baby right now.
Oh gosh…Catherine, I’ve got tears running down my face right now and think that your husband is amazing. I won’t tell you about my pregnancy success or failure because every time is different…but I will say that I’m praying for you and your little slugger. xo
Praying hard for you, Dean and your little slugger. Beautiful Day is a beautiful song.
I am praying for you and Dean and that precious baby right now. I am so sorry you are going through this…my heart goes out to you.
Hoping all is well. Praying for you and the little one. It happened when my daughter Allison was in the womb.
Catherine,
I’m believing God for his best plan for your life, Dean’s life and little slugger. I believe all is well. Join me in that belief.
Praying hard for the three of you, and sending you *MASSIVEHUGS*, sticky baby dust and so, so many hopes that your little Slugger makes it through. And that the hospital give you some SUPPORT, good GRIEF how very dare they :'(
Sending lots of light, love, and prayers your way. And I’m so glad you have such a wonderful supportive husband. Hold tight to each other.
Oh, Catherine! I am PRAYING that it’s all okay. I can’t believe they asked you to stay away. What in the damn world?!?!? I hope you went to the ER. You need and deserve the reassurance. I am hoping and praying that your sweet little one is okay. –Lisa
Ugh, my heart just sunk reading this. I really was hoping things would progress uneventfully for you. I know how scary this is. Hugs and prayers coming your way.
Praying, Catherine!
Sending so many good vibes your way!
My heart goes out to you. I hope your day ends with happy dreams.
I just found your blog from Casey’s linkup and I just wanted to say I’m praying for you and your sweet babe <3
thank you so much, jenny. i really appreciate your prayers. means the world to me. hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving.
Your husband is a wonderful and wise man. He knows the right things to say. His quote at the end of this post totally made me tear up. I am so happy you have each other to rely on and I’m just sorry that the hospital couldn’t see you when you were experiencing this. I know you need that reassurance. And you’ve been through so much; the least they could do is have you in to calm some of your fears.
Regardless, I’m glad that everything is okay now, but my goodness, that must have been quite the scare! Sending so many good thoughts and best wishes your way, sweet girl. XOXO