You know how they say that breakfast is the most important meal? It makes sense, right? You load up on all the eggy and starchy goodness early in the morning to sustain you for the rest of the day. It forms the basis of your nutrition.
Analogously, if you think college is your entree into success. You’re a fish-out-of-water wrong. The point is that you learn how to learn and become successful well before college.
The key to success is primary school education:
Ok let’s be real, genetics has a lot to do with intelligence, but the most important thing that you can do for your child in terms of education is to get them the very best education as early as possible. That means it is more important to send your rug-rat to that exclusive private elementary school where all the teachers have at least masters degrees, than it is to save all your money and hope and pray that one day your kid will get into an Ivy League.
Spend the money now while they’re young, while their brains are developing. Expose them to the most rigorous education program now and spare no expense. This is your child’s developing brain and it is crucial for their future.
I’ve talked to people who went to the most expensive, most exclusive elementary and high schools in San Francisco who then went on to Stanford or MIT, then beyond for graduate school and they have all said without pause that going to [insert high-priced elementary school here] was the key to their success. I’m floored. Not Harvard? Not Wharton? I need to know why.
One response: “It’s where I learned to think.”
Because people, you don’t learn to think in college. It’s too late! You don’t learn to think in graduate school. That’s just icing on the cake.
You are learning how to think in your formative years, when your brain is still developing, when you can memorize more than you’ll ever be able to in your whole entire life. Start young, start early. It’s never too early to feed the mind, but it can be too late. College is way too late. It’s true, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
As an aside, that’s why affirmative action is unsuccessful. Although I am pro-affirmative action (as I believe in the importance of diversity in shaping a student body), I believe that you cannot put a band-aid on a historically bad education. My college roommate said she had difficulty because she wasn’t starting off on level footing. She ended up dropping out because of the pressure of a highly-competitive school. No amount of studying is going to help if your brain has not been trained to rigorously process data. You cannot learn that kind of thought process in a weekend. You cannot cram for brain processing!
Back to my point which is that I think parents who are saving money and sacrificing for their children’s college education have got it wrong. All that money that was saved should have gone first and foremost to primary school education. For kids who have studied with the best teachers, have been in competition with super smart peers from their coloring days, have been exposed to innovative education at a young age, and are continuously challenged, then it does not matter where they go to college. In fact, they don’t even need to go to college because they will be so smart and have formed such introspective ideas about themselves and life in general that the learning is ingrained. They won’t need a university to show them the way.
There would be less stress because you as a parent would know that wherever your kid went to college, or even if they chose not to go, you would have confidence that, yup, my kid’s so smart, he or she has got this!
Would love to hear your thoughts on spending money up-front on education versus later on in the college years. Also, if anyone went to or sent their kid to an elite elementary school, please comment on how it shaped the rest of your life.
I absolutely LOVE the breakfast/grade school analogy! Brilliant! Furthermore, I love your college series. As a matter-of-fact I propose we bombard Sallie Mae with every post in your series. They should read this and feel ashamed. Anywho, I totally agree that grade school is the most important education we receive aside from what our parents teach us at home. It is grade school test scores that shape and determine the future. Tons of research and future planning is based on the education or lack thereof we receive in grade school. I want desperately to send my daughter to a Montessori school but unfortunately the schedule (only half a day for 3-4 year olds) doesn’t work for a working mother and father. Once she’s 5 I will gladly spend the arm and leg the school charges for what I consider to be an excellent curriculum. I actually feel bad for not being able to send her to that school now. Feel like I’m failing her a bit. This is where teaching her at home in addition to what she learns at school is crucial. I think this may be my favorite piece from you Catherine. I LOVE it. Super engaging. Makes me think!
Thank you Andrea, you and I think alike. When I have a kid, I will bring the kid over to learn Andrea-isms from you. It just blows my mind the logic behind how people manage their money, like saving for a daughter’s wedding (I literally have family members who set aside money for their daughter’s future wedding, while she goes to public school!). I mean, hello, do these people have a brain? And I am related to them! Why are you saving for your kids’ college education when they’re in the living room brain-dead watching TV all day long. Go get them some tutoring or send them to camp or put them in a competitive private school. OMG, what is wrong with these people!!!
Catherine, you do make think here and make some very valid and great points, but must admit having taught in public schools, I know the good, the bad and the ugly, too. I am truly hoping that prepares me for my children’s primary education in the not too distant future and have to admit as wonderful as this sounds, I just cannot logistically afford it at this point. I probably sound horrible saying this, but I have two little girls to put through school and after paying the school taxes here, I will have to put them in public school, but you better believe I will be on top of everything they are doing and learning. Thank you though for sharing and like I said you really do give wonderful food for thought on this topic!
Janine, your daughters are lucky that they have an insider who can be their advocate in public school. I mentioned to some other commenters that I have nothing against public school. In fact, I went to public university, but I am not sure they have the same kind of rigor (at least at the elementary school level) that for-profit education has. More to come on this topic!
I never thought of it that way. But you’re right. Unfortunately our public schools don’t seem to do much for kids that need or are looking for more of a challenge…during one frustrating conference with a principal we were told that while they try to “even” out the classroom with kids of all levels, they teach to the lowest level, so kids in the middle and at the top are bored. That was actually said out loud to us. I will never understand why they are doing things like this…it makes absolutely no sense to me not to challenge kids. What a shame it is that we can’t do this in our public schools. I know a number of people who have sent their child to Montessori or are homeschooling because of this problem. Fortunately our high school does a great job with kids in honors and AP classes, although our oldest has opted for private school because he has always felt like he got “lost” in the crowd, and had teachers who didn’t know his name.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against public schools. In fact, I went to a public university so I know all too well about getting lost in the crowd. One out of 20,000 undergrads is kind of crazy. And no joke, they would call you out by your student ID number and not your name! Ridonculous. I still have my number memorized because you wrote it down everywhere instead of your name. For the most part, public schools are fine, but the best elementary school (across the board) tend to be private.
My husband’s nieces went to private grade schools. I always say they received so much attention they were practically tutored. They are now a pharmacist, a marketing employee at one of the best employees in Milwaukee and the third is a senior in college with the goal of becoming a physical therapist.
Yes, thank you for bringing that up. At a private school, you will get more attention than any public school will shower on you! That’s so key. No child is left behind in private school. Absolutely agree with that.
Our children are very fortunate to attend an excellent school, and we feel very good about their initial experience with education. Great post! :)-Ashley
Smart parents, smart kids! I have no doubt your kids will go far, Ashley. I’m looking forward to hearing more about their educational trajectory.
I completely agree with you, although I would imagine most young families can’t afford a private primary education – and six year olds can’t take out student loans. Our public school district is one of the best in the country (whatever that means), so we spent more on our home to be in a county that provides an excellent public education for our kids. I suspect that after her high school experience, my daughter will find college a piece of cake.
Hi Dana, thank you for bringing up a good point. I’m not anti-public school system, it’s just that in the SF Bay Area if you rank the best elementary and high schools, for the most part, they are mainly going to be private schools. So I mean to say that regardless of public/private, kids should be going to the most competitive, most selected, most rigorous schools available and if that’s a public school, then that’s even better.
I love this post! I teach pre-k in a public school district and completely agree. Even if you can not afford a private school there are so many resources out there to help build your child’s education, and to help with getting into private schools later on. Loving your blog! Thanks for following! Join my book club, I would love to have your discussions in there.
Thank you for reading and for commenting. I feel so guilty, I don’t read as much anymore as I am focused on my blog and trying to get preggy, but I do read your blog. I love the Da Vinci code. I read it when I was on a flight from Shanghai back home to San Francisco and it made the flight go by so quickly!
Like Dana we live in an area with an incredible public school system. It’s why we bought our house where we did. Rather than spending the money on private school, we spent our money on real estate taxes and our home purchase price. I’m thankful that we had the public school option because I liked that our kids were in classes with students from a wide range of backgrounds. I fear that at an elite private school the student body would have been more one dimensional and my kids would have missed out on the intangible benefits of studying among a diverse student body.
Mo, you bring up a good point. I actually should revise my post to say I’m a firm believer in competitive schools regardless of whether it’s public or private. But from my knowledge, the best elementary schools in the SF area are private, not public. But I appreciate you pointing out that there can be good public schools! Also, I have the same fear about private schools too with students not being as diverse or sensitive or open-minded. I wouldn’t want that either.
I’m going to talk about two things: my own education and that of my children.
First of all, I totally agree with you that education starts early…I’m not sure how I feel about the competitive edge, but I do believe that children should be challenged and respected for their own individual learning styles and interests, as well I think they should be encouraged to get as deep as they want and go way beyond their “level” to learn.
I definitely think children should be allowed to learn as much as they can about the topics surrounding their lives and have a deep understanding of their interests and the technologies they use, places they travel, etc. For instance, why do we learn the periodic tables in public schools, but don’t learn the roles of the minerals, or at least about the ones that effect our lives and bodies in such obvious ways(beyond hydrogen and helium)…why can’t we learn about these things in ways that we can really connect with? I know I didn’t learn about the importance of many of these minerals until after I quit college.
I didn’t learn about childbirth or pregnancy or breastfeeding with any relateable level of depth until after college…basically I learned so many things on my own, that I would have been completely able to connect to and understand in elementary school…of course I’m not talking about myself like I’m special…any child could learn these things. We learn some very basic introductions to these things and don’t have our intellect challenge by using our own thought processes to experience these things in our lives.
My children 3 and 6…already know things I didn’t learn until I was over 21. (Not everything of course, but some basics like human anatomy/physiology). I have a huge interest in learning and literacy and I home school my children. We have been in connect with some truly inspiring home educators who also put no limits (unless there are uncontrollable circumstances) to providing their children with learning opportunities. I completely agree with this philosophy. I plan to have my children participating in the highest level of learning activities that they have interest in…musical instruments, horsemanship, gardening, computer programming, linguistics, art, science, entrepreneurship, money handling/budgeting etc.
Their “higher education” is up to them. I expect them to research, plan and pick their own learning/training opportunities and I expect them to be able to afford it. That doesn’t mean I won’t help them, but I want to see them work towards their goal and use their brains to figure out a way to make their dreams come true, the level of encouragement I will give them will be unending, but I will discourage them from taking out loans or doing anything that is truly outside of their budget.
As for my own education, I will say that whatever I learned…I learned before I entered school. My family gave me tons of books, attention and opportunities in my first years. I taught myself to read and I seemed to know almost everything being taught in pre-school and kindergarten. After a few years in school the opportunities and attention in my family greatly decreased, but it didn’t matter that much…I had already had a love of learning. I went to a few regular public schools and a few “special” public schools in my pre-college days.
I was always teaching myself something more outside of school…around high school I grew bored and burned out at the school routine, but it didn’t stop me from learning. I did great in my subjects of interest and terrible in the ones that I didn’t like or were just too boring to me, like I said I had my own business plan before I graduated, so there were more important things to me, I really didn’t even care if I graduated. I really think that learning habits start even before kids are school-age.