I am so excited to introduce you to Yvonne Chase, a fellow blogger from the SITS Girls network. The first time I happened upon her blog, I immediately emailed and asked if she would consider guest posting. Yvonne is a dating and relationship coach who has such a strong, unique, opinionated voice. Check out her videos on her site. One of my favorites is titled How to Avoid Being Single at 40. Good stuff. Single friends, watch it and put that video on repeat! I wish I had known about Yvonne when I was single. She would have saved me so many nights of feeling sorry for myself, gorging on ice-cream, and wallowing in tears.
Just for my readers, she has created the below post and vlog on emotional cheating. Welcome Yvonne!
—–
Today I participated in a HuffPost Live panel discussion about emotional infidelity. Here are some findings from a recent survey of 1,000 U.S. adults conducted by HuffPost and YouGov:
Sixty percent of respondents said that if their partner developed a deep emotional connection with someone else, it would be considered cheating. Only 18 percent said that it wouldn’t be considered cheating.
However, when a separate group of 1,000 adults was asked the reverse — “Say that you were in a committed relationship and you developed a deep emotional connection with someone other than your partner. Would you consider that to be cheating?” — The number who said “no” increased to 29 percent of respondents. Fifty percent said “yes,” and 21 percent were not sure.
Much of that change came among women, 70 percent of whom said developing a deep emotional connection would be cheating if their partner did it, but only 56 percent of whom thought it would be if they did it themselves. Men were more consistent — 50 percent said developing a deep emotional connection would be cheating if their partner did it and 44 percent said it would be if they did it themselves.
Let me give you a little bit more back story about the gentleman at the bank. I didn’t care if he was married or not when I met him because I wasn’t interested. When I found out, I shut it down immediately. In our few brief conversations, he talked to me about his business; he was a successful lawyer with a thriving practice in Beverly Hills, he shared ideas on other projects he had in mind and he basically talked to me about who he was as a man and what was important to him.
I only saw him one time after meeting him at the bank and that is when I found out he was married. Once I found out, I ceased all communications with him and never saw him again. Like I said in the video, if I were a willing participant and if I was captivated by his offer to have access to his place in Beverly Hills, drive one of his fancy cars and meet him for fabulous lunches, dinners and shopping sprees, we would’ve started a full-fledged affair. That is why I believe emotional cheating is so dangerous. I believe it is the gateway to physical cheating even though physical cheating can happen without it.
What do you believe? What really constitutes infidelity? Can your spouse’s emotional connection with another person be worst than a physical one?
Something to think about…
P.S. Someone told me a really funny joke as I hit record and that’s why I’m laughing. Nothing funny about this topic.
Yvonne Chase is a Dating & Relationship Coach to Singles and Pre-Committed Couples. Learn more about her at her website http://www.yvonnechase.com and be sure to follow her on Twitter@ItsYvonneChase for more engaging conversation.
You’re a wise woman, Yvonne – I totally agree with all your points. Emotional cheating is much harder to recover from because it is such a deeper connection to break. Thanks for introducing us to Yvonne, Catherine – I will definitely check out what else she has to say!
My “definition” of cheating is anything that a significant other could walk into a room and you’d say “Oh crap!”. So definitely emotional cheating applies. Thanks for introducing us, Catherine!
@Dana…yes…its very difficult to get to the emotional place in a man therefore, if he’s able to go there with someone other than his wife, the marriage is in a lot of trouble I believe. Thanks for watching and commenting.
@Catherine…I agree 100% with your definition of cheating. Run on over to my blog to read my thoughts over there. Thanks for your comment.
Such a good topic, and important as well! It all starts with the emotional connection, anyone in a committed relationship should guard their emotions diligently. It’s so easy to start comparing your grass to the grass on the other side. Our church pastor said once (on the topic of marriage/relationships) “The grass is greener where you water it.” That really stuck with me and it’s a principle I try to abide by in my own marriage.
Sarah, that’s a great point that you pastor made. That will stick with me too!
@Sarah…your pastor and I think alike. I say that all the time; “The grass is green where its watered.” I’m writing another post about guarding your marriage. Married people are not aware of the devils tactics.
@Sarah….your pastor and I think alike. I always say, “The gas is green where its watered.”
hey Catherine,
I need your help…Why is my gravatar not showing in my comment? When I hover over it, it shows but it doesn’t show like yours all the time.
hi yvonne, i looked at both my home and work computers and your gravatar shows up each time.
It took a while to show up…thanks.
Hmmmm…. this is so very interesting…
I’ve experienced it all (emotional, financial and physical infidelity) and for me, I think it’s all just as equally horrific because it usually revolves around dishonesty. It’s the dishonesty that hurts in places you never knew it would. It’s the ache of knowing what he was *really* doing, while he wasn’t telling me. That’s what was most painful for me– I don’t think one is worse than the other… because in the end, betrayal is betrayal and we all feel the exact same when we’ve been hit by that semi-truck. It’s a sort of pain that is unlike any other. I never knew it possible to feel such defeat as a wife, woman, lover, human being. But thank goodness for the ability we have to overcome, rise above and heal.
That’s the journey I’ve find myself on.
Love this post. I’m new here… but wanted to chime in and say thanks. Fabulous guest post- can’t wait to read more 😉
Much love,
Jacy
Jacy, thank you for stopping by. I agree with you that it all boils down to being honest and genuine with your partner.
Hi Jacy,
sorry you went through that. I agree with you 100%, betrayal is betrayal. Hugs to you as you overcome, rise above and heal. You can do it. You’re a woman!