“And then when the bill came, he said we should split!” Gasps followed in the nail salon as a woman relayed to her friends her date gone wrong.
I had no right to speak, but I so wanted to tell that self-righteous woman to shut it.
One of the most important mantras I try to live by is, imagine yourself in that person’s shoes. All you single ladies, please imagine shelling out dollar after dollar and footing the bill both for yourself and your date for every single date that you go on. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like fun at all.
I remember a male friend of mine in business school telling me he just couldn’t afford to date anymore because women expected to be paid for. Mind you, we were all accruing a crapload of debt in order to get our MBAs. He figured he’d take a break from dating and take it up again once he had a full-time job.
I mean, that’s pretty sad. In fact, I think it’s pretty pathetic.
Yes, I am all for romance. And yes, if your future husband is asking you out on a first date and maybe a second or third, sure, it’s splendid if he pays.
But when it’s clear there is no future, I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man asking the woman to split the friggin bill. Not only is it honest, but it is an absolute death knell for single women who often times can be clueless. I say this because I’ve been there. How many times did I wonder why he wasn’t calling. I was sure he was too busy with work. He must have gotten into an accident. But if the guy had only said, “Let’s split,” then I would have stopped pretending that there was potential. I would have known immediately and properly that there were no romantic intentions.
In this day and age when women expect to be treated fairly, when they are scratching their heads as to why there aren’t more of them in the board room, I say, work hard and pay your fair share. There wasn’t a time when a man paid for me, where on the second date, I didn’t offer to pay the full amount. That’s what’s right and morale. You wouldn’t ask a friend to keep paying for every single dinner, why should you expect that of a date? It’s called self respect. Take care of yourself and only then will a man take care of you.
I have been out of the dating world for a very long time, but my daughter is approaching this age and these are great words of wisdom for her. I especially love your perspective of how to know if there is no future. Really good advice here!!!
I’ve only been married for 3 years so dating advice comes naturally to me. I’m very opinionated about it as I have seen it all!
I, too, have been out of the dating world for quite sometime, too. But you said a mouthful here and only hope that other women are reading and listening up. You are right everything is truly so expensive nowadays and splitting the costs seem only fair for all parties involved.
Being treated like a princess is all well and fine when you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, but when the intentions are not there, no woman should expect to be paid for.
I see it both ways. As long as women earn less money than men, I don’t think it’s so wrong that men pay. I’ve told several boyfriends of mine (before I was married) that, if they want to go to fancy restaurants and have expensive dates, then they will have to pay for it, because I can’t afford it. BUT, and this is a big but, I also would have been happy to go dutch for a cheaper night out. On the other hand, I know too many women who will just go out on dates for a “free” dinner. I think that’s awful and gives all of us women a bad name. I also think it is wrong to assume that a man will pay or not go out with him if he doesn’t or can’t.
Rachel, you bring up a relevant point which is that women do get paid less than men. But I still feel the same way as it only reiterates the stereotypes: women get paid less, hence men should foot the bill. Similarly (and I’m defining society’s thinking not mine) women tend to take maternity leave and not work as hard because they are the primary caregivers, so they should be paid less. I say let’s disregard all stereotypes and equalize.
yes & amen! (& i sent an email last week about your edits too!! we’re ready when you are!!)
Amen is right! Glad you agree 🙂
I could not agree with you more.
Great, strong minds think alike 🙂