Kujo the Kat disappeared on us this morning. After waking up and shuffling to the kitchen, I realized no cat. Kujo is always sitting atop the kitchen table (where he’s not allowed) early in the morning. He’s ready to pounce on you and the closer he can get to your eyes, the better. But this morning, he was nowhere to be found.
Enter: Catherine the Cat’s freakout. “OMIGOD, we lost the fucking cat!”
I look outside the windows (as if that’s going to help). I immediately run to the rat’s cage. The rat’s safe and sound. I count the fish. Then I start calling him by his Christian name, “Scooter! Scooter!!” The cat’s nowhere to be found. I reason that I don’t have time for these shenanigans and if the cat’s gone, there ain’t nothing I can do about it right now. When I’m one foot out the door, Dean screams from the back, “Scooter’s here! Just came in through the doggy door.” Relief. Cannot believe I care that much about a bitchy cat.
Must share an email that my friend sent me last night. Me and Dean cracked up reading it.
Cats are the worst. The worst. I grew up with two of them and can’t stand them. And don’t even get me started about crazy cat owners. I advise single women I know who want to settle down not to get a cat. A cat is man repellent.
I agree that all dog owners are morning people. Or anti-socials who don’t like happy hour. But the thing is, a dog will *always* love you back. A cat would eat you if it could.