Unfortune 500

You know how they have the Fortune 500? They should have a list that they call the Unfortune 500 for the top worst companies in the nation. At the top of the list? Kaiser Permaneglecte

I know I continue to bash Kaiser, but honestly they cannot get anything right. I’ve been requesting that they fill out Family Medical Leave Act forms that I can submit to my employer so I don’t feel guilty taking blocks of time off work to scientifically conceive a baby. They neglected to fill the forms out, leaving whole pages of the forms completely blank. I brought this to their attention and they assured me they would take care of it.

I have to add that they also never notify me. I have to be proactive and call, “Are my FMLA forms complete? Can I pickup my forms yet?”

I find out that they’re ready. I go to Kaiser in the middle of the work day (imagine riding the 38 Geary for at least an hour) and head directly to the medical records office. I swear to God the guy who works in medical records sees me so often, I don’t even need to sign the clip board anymore. They hand me my forms sealed in an envelope. Very sneaky, Kaiser! I open them up to make sure I have what I need and again, THERE ARE PAGES OF THE FORMS STILL NOT FILLED OUT. All they did was take the forms that I screamed were incomplete and friggin resealed them in an envelope. Can you understand my frustration? Do you see the idiocy?

I ERUPTED. “THESE FORMS ARE STILL NOT COMPLETE. DOES ANYONE DO THEIR JOB AROUND HERE?”

The man tried to soothe me, “Ma’am, I don’t fill out the forms.”

“WELL WHO DOES? WHAT IS YOUR JOB IF YOU CAN’T HELP ME GET WHAT I NEED. WHAT DO YOU DO? SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS YOUR JOB?”

He braced himself, “You should contact the person who fills out the forms if they aren’t right.”

“DO YOU THINK THEY’VE ATTACHED THEIR BUSINESS CARD TO THIS FORM? HUH? DO YOU THINK I CAN JUST PICKUP THE PHONE AND CALL THIS PERSON? HOW WOULD I CONTACT THIS PERSON?!”

He gets on the phone and places a call, speaking nervously, “Hey, can you pull up medical record number 4134248? Look, you have to answer all the questions. It seems that the form’s incomplete.”

When he got off the phone, he looked at the floor, “They should be done in a day or so.”

Simmering, I ordered him to give me the medical correspondent’s phone number. I walked out of Kaiser, called, got her voicemail, and ranted like a madwoman.