The turbulence was so bad that the seat belt light remained on for the duration of the six hour flight from SFO to JFK. Any moment now the pilot will speak on the intercom and assure us we’ve hit a bumpy patch, that he’d work on smoothing it out. That message never came. Oh please God, I don’t want to die in flight. Anywhere preferably in my sleep or in a rocking chair or at the library, but I don’t want to spiral head-first sitting in the middle aisle with my unborn child.
After a sleepless red-eye flight, I checked my pee for pregnancy. It’s a simple test. One line means not pregnant. Two lines mean pregnant. One line, only one line, still only one line, three minutes, five minutes pass. Well there goes two wasted weeks of sobriety. I thought I’d be pleased either way, but honestly, I’m more disappointed than I thought I’d be.
While I pray often, I rarely ask God to grant me a wish. Recently, however, I’ve been praying specifically to get pregnant. I did a novena which is 9 days of guided prayer in request for something. Last time I did a novena was in business school when I asked God to help me get an internship. That was 10 years ago. The last part of the novena I prayed read, “If what I ask is not for my own good and the good of others, grant me what is best, that I may build up your kingdom of love in our world.” I’ve always believed in God’s plan for me which has been a beautiful plan thus far, so I will sit tight and be grateful for what I have in this moment. Not for what the future holds, but to treasure the abundance that I currently have.
I have been up, out and about for more than 36 hours straight without rest. Sweet dreams to me.