I sweat when I sleep. Deep damp sleep. I feel freakish waking up in a wet state. Always been a heavy sweater. Even when I’m eating, I’ll sweat profusely over spiced meals. I like my food jalapeno hot so it’s always this weird dichotomy of food enjoyment and brow-sweating embarrassment. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. I get it in little bursts. I’m the last to fall asleep and first to wake.
It has been a taxing two weeks post-insemination. I feel pregnant. I’m bloated, sober, fatter, crampy. I’m exhibiting all the PMS signs that I never get even when I do eventually get my period. The horror of my teenage years, also known as severe acne, has returned with pimples sprouting around my back and dotting the hairline around my face. Without birth control, my hormones are out of whack and causing skin eruptions!
These two weeks of sobriety have been the kiss of death for a wine-guzzler like me. Wine was my late night dessert substitute. Without it, I’ve reverted to snacking or going to bed starving. Not fun. Marc tells this great story of a friend who went on a diet. He claimed, “I went on a diet for 10 days and I lost…10 days.” That statement resonates so well with me. I feel like I’ve lost out on two weeks of life. A full life is one where all your senses are engaged: physical warmth, emotional connection, achievement, laughter, good books, movies, music, food, and good wine!
Yesterday I opened up a bill from Kaiser and almost started crying. Amount You Owe $476.70. Please Pay This Amount. I haven’t even birthed a child. That cost breaks down to 16 lab items, 1 specialty office visit, and 1 ultrasound. This is after my co-pays. This is after I find out my insurance doesn’t cover the herbs I’ve been taking with the acupuncturist. I am a healthy woman trying to get pregnant. The year is not even half over and I’ve already used up my flexible spending account dollars. I work for a generous corporate employer. And still, I have to pay ridiculous sums out of pocket. I am a well-paid professional, working for a generous corporate employer. Yet this bill brings tears to my eyes. Can you imagine a single mother or an unmarried woman getting paid minimum wage who wants to have a child? This country sucks. I want to go live in Canada! I don’t know how people do it. What if you don’t have insurance and someone calls an ambulance for you because you’re having a heart attack in the middle of Union Square? What American can afford health care? It is ludicrous.
On a happy note, I am heading to my other favorite city on a red-eye, arriving in NYC at 7am. Virgin America. Wooohooo! I’m not bringing my personal laptop, only my work computer, which means I can’t post any pics. No I do not have an iPhone, unfortunately. Seems a bit redundant and excessive to have a Blackberry and an iPhone. That means, tons of pictures to post when I return after Memorial Day. 10 full days in beautiful, sunny, chaotic, vibrant New York. Hello Big Apple.