I stopped stalking guys when I stopped dating. However, most of the guys I used to date are still my friends so I get to keep up with their updates via Facebook. My heart soared when my ex-boyfriend became engaged because he’s a good man who deserves happiness. I also knew we weren’t meant for each other so that’s the unjealous me talking.
But more recently, someone else I used to date became engaged and I had a fleeting feeling of hurt. Was I not good enough? Did he think I was unrefined? Wasn’t he attracted to me? Did I not make him laugh?
Then I thought, is she ok with his porn addiction? He was turned on, while I was turned way off. As an asian, is she comfortable with the fact that all his friends are white–like the Marina-type who don’t dare cross Van Ness unless they’re riding the protected 30X Muni express bus to work downtown? If yes and yes, then they are made for each other.
It’s never regret, but wonder. Like how you wonder what would have happened if you chose a different school or a different city. I remember those kiddy books where you could choose your own path. I hated them, because then you’d just go back and read all the different adventure endings. In some ways, they mimic real life because you do sometimes wonder what would have happened if…