Secrets from Lunch

As a treat to myself for dodging the aggressive vendors around Yu Gardens, I had lunch at M on the Bund which is probably the most famous restaurant in Shanghai. The service was impeccable. I sat outside and my waiter brought me a shawl since he thought it was a little chilly. I’m from San Francisco and the weather in Shanghai is currently in the mid-60s, so this feels like summer to me. While the view was stunning, the food was so bad, I had to return my shrimp appetizer. The coq au vin drowning in gravy was even worse, but I didn’t have the heart to return that too. I’m a proud member of the clean plate club so when I didn’t finish half the chicken, that should be an indicator that the food undoubtedly sucks.

Sitting to my left was a table of six–two Americans and four Shanghainese including a translator. Maybe they thought I was an innocent kid. Maybe they figured I was harmless, even though I spoke American English to the wait staff. But I swear to God, they inadvertently disclosed to me a very highly confidential international growth strategy for one of the top pharmaceutical companies in the world. I even have names of executives who are carrying out these plans! The woman leading the conversation started out talking about Chicago, her prestigious gym the East Bank (Shanghainese don’t even work out, what does your gym have to do with anything?), University of Chicago, the Lab School, then she prefaced the rest of her comments by saying what she was about to say was not to be repeated and was very very confidential. Little did she know that a Chicago grad was sitting at the next table with perked-up ears on her pharmacy’s trade secrets! What a retard. She’s lucky I’m not naming her company.

Same scenario as that Apple employee who accidentally left renderings of the new iPhone at a Silicon Valley restaurant. I can sell this intelligence!