I’ve gone through a range of emotions planning the wedding: stress, nostalgia, excitement, anxiety. Most recently, I’ve been nervous. But now, I’m angry.
Yesterday, I sketched out our late September Italian honeymoon. 3 nights in Florence, 3 nights in Siena, 3 nights in Venice. Researching hotels and rates, I’ve realized that for the amount that we’re spending on the wedding, we could have gone on a luxurious vacation staying at the poshest hotels and dining at top-rated restaurants all across Europe for at least a month. Can you imagine? The always chic Hotel Costes in Paris, the new Botanist restaurant in London, the Palazzo Barbarigo on the Grand Canal in Venice, venerated tapas at Comerc 24 in Barcelona, wine at Vyne in Amsterdam. We could have truly had the jetsetter vacation.
Weddings are the culmination of the very worst of American commercialism. Wasted money on a dress I’ll never wear again. Another check written for alterations on a dress I’ll never wear again. Some brides add on gown preservation. (At least Miss Havisham really got her money’s worth.) Hundreds of dollars on hair and makeup for a day. Thousands of dollars on food, drink, and entertainment that people may not even like! People will complain that the open bar is just wine and beer. People will complain that I didn’t get flowers. People will complain that they didn’t get a welcome bag. I’m paying for you to have a welcome dinner in addition to the wedding reception…that’s your fucking welcome bag.
So is it worth it? I’m starting to think…we should have just travelled like rockstars. That certainly would have been worth it.
After this is all said and done, I’m going to start the anti-wedding campaign. Stop flushing your money down the toilet. Flush it down a bidet in Paris. C’est magnifique!
You just explained why I eloped in Hawaii. But for some couples (the bride and her family mostly) a lavish wedding is not a waste of money. It’s what they want, so allow them that. Now you know what’s important to you. Enjoy your day with Dean – you’ve worked very hard to make it your own.
A friend of mine told me that his answer when asked, why do you want to get married? He said, to demonstrate publicly the commitment to each other they have already made privately. Wedding planning is more than stuff, it’s really alot of soul searching. So when we planned our wedding, I always kept that in mind.
Another comment from another friend, “there’s no way you’re going to get divorced because you just said I do in front of 300 people and you’re going to have to explain to each and everyone of them what happened.” Not necessarily true, but funny.
We could have done alot of things, but our wedding was the ritual to the beginning of the life we wanted to have. Sure, I’m never going to wear that dress again or do it all again, but that’s a good thing. I want my marriage to last, I don’t want to do it all again.
You get the dress, because you want the dress. Everyone will have an opinion on what should and shouldn’t be and in the end, the only answer that matters is, “what do you really want?”
Have a wonderful wedding, but more importantly build an even better life together.