One of my friends chided me a while back, “Make your blog private again. You’re not as honest as you used to be.” That really stuck with me. So I try to dismiss those second thoughts about whether or not my boss is reading. Or whether or not my family members are dying to tell my mom and dad about my lifestyle. I just want to voice my truth. So even though I know some of my friends are reading this, I’m just going to get it out there because it truly hurts my feelings.
I know it’s a recession. Shit, my fiance lost his job, alright? I’m pinching pennies. I’m scoping out all the happy hours in the city. We’re eating in instead of eating out. I know what it’s like to cut back. But I never blinked an eye when my friends asked me to spend hundreds of dollars on never-to-be-worn-again bridesmaid attire. I never complained when I had to shell out money for bachelorette weekends on top of bridal showers. I was there–friggin asian manual labor–crafting stupid favors for hours and hours, running around to hotels dropping off gift bags for out-of-town guests, shuttling guests around to where they needed to be because they didn’t have cars.
But when it comes to me, suddenly, no one wants to spend money. No one wants to consider what I want to do. First of all, no one seems to consider that unlike any wedding that I’ve been a part of, I asked no one in my bridal party to pony up a single penny for wedding attire. Black dress and red shoes for women. Black pants and white shirts for men. Simple, go into your closet and pick something. Cost to be in the wedding party? Airfare and hotel in Palm Springs for the wedding weekend. That’s it.
I was thinking it would be fun to go away for a weekend with my bridal party. The one thing I ask for is a cheap weekend getaway (i.e., cabin / camping, local, inexpensive) and next thing you know, a weekend gets planned that’s completely different than what I (I am the bride, yes?) ask for.
Two weeks ago, I was at a nail salon getting my quarterly much-needed mani/pedi and the girl sitting next to me was having a meltdown. She was freaking out because she’d ordered all these custom-made bridesmaid dresses from Hong Kong and one of her bridesmaids was refusing to pay. God forbid, I wonder what other expenses they had to fork over for her prissy wedding! I sat there, smirking beside her. At least I don’t have to go through that kind of anxiety.
Now here I am, having the same anxiety because my friends are reluctant to spend more than $200 for a whole weekend. And I’m chipping in, too. I actually had to throw myself into the financial mix so people wouldn’t back out. Totally disheartening.
I try to remember that these are trying times. There are people I thought for sure would be at my side on my wedding day who shrug when I ask them if they’re coming. Really? I mean, really? I organized your engagement party. I flew to your wedding cross-country when I was still in grad school and riddled in debt. Really? And you’re having second-thoughts about coming to my wedding? Absolutely no sense of loyalty.
As long as Dean shows up, that’s all that matters!