There isn’t anything San Francisco loves more than to hate on Los Angeles. We hate LA for its year-round sunny weather and happy fucking shiny people. And isn’t it true? Every time I go down there, all the beautifully-tanned are so relaxed and chill. Up here, despite the yoga, Zen lifestyle, we’re all suffering from a case of the winter blues. Even our therapists can’t cure the depression. No wonder all the superstars descend on SoCal. While they have Jennifer Aniston, the Beckhams, Lindsay Lohan and every other celebrity under the sun, we’ve got, “OMIGOD, look! It’s Po Bronson (or Michael Tilson Thomas or Dede Wilsey or insert famous name recognized only in the city of San Francisco proper).” San Franciscans pride themselves on having some of the best cuisine in the country: fresh, organic, locally-sourced. You can’t find our shit anywhere else. I beg to differ, however, because the best sushi I’ve ever had in my life was down south. I also think the diversity of food in LA is far greater than what we offer in San Francisco. SoCal’s Disneyland is the undeniable winner in the kids-love-it category, beating by a landslide our Great America and Marine World. Although, no one beats our famed tourist-attracting wine country or Tahoe. Call me biased, but I don’t think academic wunderkinds are vying for school time in LA when you can study at distinguished universities like Berkeley or Stanford. UC Rejects, University of Spoiled Children are great cases in point. UCLA…you’ll always be second-class. Sports, well Trojans, you’re the best team money can buy. Sorry, LA, we can’t stand your gas-guzzling SUVs, your primped up scenesters waiting to get into clubs, but we’ll gladly buy a sub $100 Southwest fare for some fun in the sun.