I ended the weekend hanging out with a bunch of Dean’s friends at McTeague’s on Polk Street. One of his friends said, “I don’t even know you that well, but it’s nice to talk to you. It’s nice having you here.”
I smiled and gave him a pat on the back. “I know what it’s like. I was an alcoholic. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Hang in there. It’ll be ok.”
It reminded me of a conversation I had several years ago at a bar in the Mission. It was one of my ex-boyfriend’s favorite local hangouts. We were there with a bunch of his friends. His roommate started talking to me, then kept going and going and going. I listened, I truly cared. I dabbed at my eyes and gave him a big hug. “I’m so sorry for your pain. It breaks my heart. I’m here if ever you want to talk anymore.”
While walking home, my boyfriend at the time had asked about our conversation. “Looks like you were in deep conversation with my roomie. Did you guys get along?”
“He told me he took his girlfriend to have an abortion. She cheated on him and he was man enough to take her to get an abortion. Heart-breaking. Really friggin heart-breaking.”
My boyfriend became visibly upset. He huffed, “I can’t believe he just told you that. That’s private information. What was he doing tell you about the abortion?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because he wanted to talk and I was there to listen, alright? Maybe because I didn’t judge him and I just sat there and listened. I told him that that was really courageous for him to do.”
I think it upset my ex-boyfriend that his roommate was sharing intimate details with me when we weren’t even friends.
I started my blog for an assortment of reasons. Mainly because I like to write. But also because I wanted other people to feel like they weren’t alone. I blogged about alcoholism, an eating disorder, depression…topics that make most cringe. You’re not supposed to talk about feelings! Just shut up and hope it goes away, right? I didn’t blog because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. I wanted readers to know that they weren’t alone.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be single. It’s ok that you’re not leading the perfect life. Why? Because you could go to my blog and commiserate with me. And it made me feel good that others gleaned a bit of inspiration from my experiences.
A friend said that she hoped I’d continue to keep my writing honest despite taking it public. I hope so, too. Thanks for your emails and comments. Keep ’em coming.
Let’s understand the world together.
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