I am not a drama queen. I didn’t think I was. I hope I’m not. But this story has Drama Queen written all over it. Now that I don’t have any romantic drama in my life, it’s gotta come from elsewhere, right? You can’t live your life passionately with strong beliefs and not have any drama in life, right?
I can’t believe I’m middle-aged and not talking to a good friend of mine. I now have a ‘frenemy’ as the latest tabloids like to characterize falling-outs. With the exception of me and her, there is only one other person who knows. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone. I don’t even want to tell my boyfriend. But I can’t get it out of my head. I’m so upset. Every time I think about it, my blood starts to boil.
Here’s what happened. Dean and I had a joint party a few weeks ago. During the party, my frenemy–I’ll call her Cancer–said out loud to another friend, “Is your wife not here because Cathy doesn’t like her?”
EXCUSE ME? There was a little bit of tension and nervous laughter, but everyone tried to move on with the conversation. Granted, there has been a bit of bad history with this friend and his wife, it is completely over now. All better. It’s water under the bridge. No need to bring bad things up in a public setting.
After the party, I emailed Cancer, “Hey, let’s not make a big deal of this as I know you weren’t trying to be mean, but please refrain from bringing negative things about my life up in public. What you said about my friend’s wife was really uncalled for. Please don’t do it again.”
That’s when the nastiness started. She shot off, “What is wrong with you? It wasn’t even a big deal. Why are you always throwing these things my way–like everything is always my fault. I am tired of your volatility. I can’t be friends with someone like you when you’re a loose cannon.”
Breathe, breathe. I tried to take the high road and after back-and-forth vehement emails, I said, “Look, again, I don’t want to make a big deal of this. I love you (I actually told that fucking bitch that I loved her.), but what you did was wrong and I was telling you so you can correct your behavior. This is not the first time this has happened and I wanted to give you a few examples. I wasn’t trying to attack you in my email. I just wanted you to be aware.”
This was the last email from her. “You don’t have any friends. No one ever wants to say anything to your face, you have such a bad temper. You need help. You need medication.”
WOW! I didn’t respond, but have been so hurt by those words. I feel angry and only want the worst for her. It made me even more upset to see her at a baby shower for a friend that I introduced her to. Then later on to find out she had contacted a friend of mine and said that they should start hanging out. It is making my blood boil.
Again, I’ve taken the high road so far, but am ready to explode…either through an email to her or by sharing to my friends the situation.
based on personal experience… chalk it up to you two growing apart, it’s not as uncommon as you would think. You might have been on similar or shared paths in life, but sometimes something happens where one path verges. It might really be a misunderstanding, but nevertheless, you two have grown apart. You can not control other people’s behavior. You pointed out something that hurt you, and Cancer’s response was to tell you exactly what she thought of you. It’s done. You also don’t know everything that might be going on in her life that caused this response, and you’re probably not the only one who received this sort of reaction. All you can do is be pleasant when you run into each other. If you were truly friends, then it will resolve itself. Last, I don’t think its ever a good idea to confront people or have discussions on behavior over email. For some reason, reading things does not come across the same as saying it in person. Its leaves too much to imagination and interpretation. You hoped Cancer would see you just wanted to put the issue under the bridge. If you said it in person, it could have come with touch or tone. The written word does not have these additional sensory elements. You might have attempted to, but apparently it was lost. That is the power of writing isn’t it?
I agree with above. If she’s meant to be your friend she will. But writing always tends to numb the sentiment. I lost friends because of the written word, but earned them back over long talks with drinks (either wine or coffee).