I told Dean about Bachelor #2. He was silent, then said, “Well, I trust you, honey. I’m glad you told me. I’m not happy about you going out to dinner with him, but I trust you.”
In my craziness, must always have back-ups, cannot fully commit to anyone mode, I blurted out all my concerns to Dean. I wanted him to address them before I had dinner with Bachelor #2. I was giving Bachelor #2 one last chance by grilling Dean. So bad, but that’s the truth. It’s hard to break behavioral patterns.
“I guess my biggest concern is money. You spend so much money!”
“Well baby, that’s because we’re kinda in the honeymoon phase and I like treating you. I want to take you out to dinner and buy you drinks.”
“I’m not talking about me! I’m talking about your friends. You spend more money on them than you do me. And they’re not even sleeping with you!” Dean is that person who buys round after round of drinks at the bar. He’s got a few friends who don’t make much money so he has NOOOO problem buying them lunch or dinner or taking care of all their drinks for the night. It drives me bonkers, but I’ve held my tongue until now.
“Ahhh, yeah you’re right. I guess I feel bad for them.”
“They’re big boys. They can take care of themselves. It doesn’t matter if they’re laid off. Why do you have to support their entertainment habits?”
“I know, baby. You’re right. See, that’s why I need you around.”
“Look,” I started to get misty-eyed. “I have spent my whole life working really really hard. I don’t think you really understand. I’m ready to have a family. And I don’t want to have to stress about whether or not I can send them to private school. I don’t want to have to work and have my babies. I mean, if I have to, I guess I’ll do it. But I want it to be easy financially. Do you understand? Does that make sense? I don’t want to struggle.”
He agreed. The next morning, he texted me how much he loved me and he’s ready to commit, that we should start talking timeframes, and he’s going to do his best to save.
Armed with that information, I was ready for my final date with Bachelor #2. I was ready to tell him we were over. But our date was so awful, I didn’t even have to say anything. I realized we had nothing in common, but physical chemistry, and after he had been gone so long, even that had faded. With nothing to talk about, we battled through dinner. I ordered so many drinks that the bill came out to over $200—and he doesn’t even drink alcohol!
I called Dean immediately after our date. “Hi sweetheart. I love you. Our dinner was so awful. I even asked the waiter at one point to bring me two glasses of wine at the same time.”
“Awww, baby, I’m so glad to hear it.”