I have it all figured out. I think.
Let’s say I get laid off tomorrow. Here is my game plan.
1. “Are you serious? After all my hard work, you’re laying me off? Well fuck you, I’m taking all the office supplies in that cabinet with me.”
2. Head to Perbacco and get trashed on ten rounds of wine.
3. Call mom. “Mommy, they just laid me off!”
4. Facebook status update. “Catherine has been canned. Looking for someone to take over condo immediately. Also, send any interesting job leads my way.”
5. Post ad on Craigslist for sublet or rental of fully furnished apartment with parking. Perfect for doctor working at Kaiser across the street.
6. Review status of resume and job search criteria on Monster and other web sites.
7. Collect unemployment.
8. Contact Cal and Chicago GSB career development offices.
9. Move in with Dean. If this is the worst case and he’s dumped me for a smarter, skinnier Asian, move in with Tree and crying babies.
10. Startup company–Can Do Catherine: here to make your life easier. Offering concierge services, babysitting, event planning, life organization, Excel modeling, PR, matchmaking services.
11. Find odd jobs where I can get paid under the table.
12. If all else fails, move to my homeland, the Philippines and live for the rest of my life on my severance.