I have a friend. She’s 42, beautiful, artistic, talented, incredibly smart, and single. Unbeknownst to many of us, she hid her pregnancy until she could no longer keep it a secret. She wore loose sweaters, covered up with loose-knit scarves. In fact, she was pregnant during the Burning Man festival last year. Pregnant by artificial insemination. With the official announcements making their way around the circuits, many people have gasped, “What?! No way!” I guess you hear about women doing this and having children on their own, but how many of us have friends who’ve done this? She is my first.
When I found out, I wrote her this email.
hi bethany,
i am so inspired by your news.
i spent last year in a tizzy, fighting, hoping, struggling to find someone to be my life partner. someone i could hurry up the process with so i could finally settle down and have children. i think i spent all of 2008 depressed even though i tried to put on a happy front.
i decided i didn’t want this year to be that way. so i cleaned up the skeletons in the closet (i’m trying to go sober), said good-bye to the players who weren’t even dating me but really just using me (my fault because i let them), and i think i am really starting to be genuinely happy now–living life on my own terms and my own timeframe.
you are an amazing woman who touches all those around her by the example you lead.
thank you,
vixen
She responded.
Your email touched me so much I need to pause before responding.
It’s incredibly hard to take the hard stance, to see what is motivating us, and pursue what you want. I found deciding to be a single parent a really challenging decision to make, even though I have known I want children all my life. But knowing that dating was really a means towards that end, and also the awful men I was dating, this was/is the right decision for me. Facing skeletons is tough, very very tough, and I applaud you for identifying what will make you happy. You are such an amazing, wonderful, inspiring, lovely person!!! You are someone I am incredibly proud to call a friend. If there is anything I can do to help support you in your focus on doing what makes you happy, please let me know.
lots of love,
xxoo
My friend has captivated so many of us–it takes a village–that I am so proud to write that I have never seen so many people give so freely of themselves. It’s as if she isn’t a single mom! A friend came by and installed the baby car seat. There is a schedule to sign-up for a home-cooked meal to bring to her and her mom who will be helping out as soon as the baby is born. It’s such a beautiful outpouring of support!
Baby boy coming soon!
i am not sure how to get my opinions about this out without inciting an 'easy for you to say' reaction.
i couldn't tell from your post if you were inspired in general or inspired to follow suit. if you are in fact contemplating this for yourself, i'd like to express a few counterpoints & alternatives if you're open to hearing them.