I kept going back and forth about what to write about tonight: my latest date, the drama with Nate. So many dumb things, so little time.
This is a post of random ramblings.
There is a cute restaurant in Yountville called Ad Hoc. I think, when I went, it was the best brunch I have ever experienced: lightly buttered and thinly-sliced toast crisped to perfection, fresh raw salmon on a bed of greens, duck confit hash, and Belgian waffles with berries and homemade vanilla ice-cream. The restaurant was intended to be temporary–hence the name Ad Hoc. But people loved it so much, they made it permanent.
I must be a big baby because I crap…a lot. In the morning, before lunch, after lunch, after dinner, before I go to bed. I’m so embarrassed at how many times I’m in and out of the bathroom at work. Sometimes I’ll take a report with me to read. I spend a lot of time sitting on the pot. At home, I spend the most time in the bathroom, reading magazines, talking on the phone, hunched over my laptop. Even if I don’t feel like going to the bathroom, if I sit there, it will come. It just exits my system like it was waiting for me to sit down. Plop! Just like that. You hear people say they have fast metabolisms like there’s a worm in their stomach. I think I have multiple worms grinding away in my tummy.
When my relationships end, I try to prove that I’m the one in the position of power. I immediately had a second boyfriend after I broke up with my first. My second boyfriend took me to Burning Man; I knew the event and his camp meant a lot to him. When we broke up, I decided I would be involved in a way that would make his involvement seem miniscule. It has always been this way for me. How do I one-up the person who has broken my heart whether or not they did it intentionally? I already broke up Nate’s relationship with his girlfriend so I don’t know why I have this need to prove I’m in some kind of position of power.
Meli told me that, without giving details, she confronted every person who told her Nate was a good guy and she should date him that in fact he wasn’t a good guy to her. “I just want you to know,” she relayed these discussions to me, “he actually treated me like crap so if I were you I’d stop recommending that he date your friends. I’m not going to get into any details, but just so you know.” I commended her for that. I can tell she’s a strong person.
As an artist and entrepreneur, Nate is extremely well-connected and truly the man about town in San Francisco. So one-upping him is almost futile. But I sadistically dream of dating one of his best friends or becoming a venture capitalist and funding one of his competitors instead of his startup. Something crazy like that. You all know his name and I posted two pictures of us from my birthday so you know what he looks like. Now go forth and hiss at him!
I’m considering going sober for a period of time–not that long. I’ve just realized drinking is so expensive and after I drink, I just want to go to bed when there’s so much to read, so much to write about, pictures to look at on Facebook, so much to do instead of drinking and sleeping your life away.