In order of who’s popping into my head (i.e., importance).
I think I’m now smitten with a guy who has not had a job since June. I cannot believe I just wrote that. I feel like I must be really desperate to relax my standards like this, but we have known each other for years. He has been nothing but a gentleman to me ever since the day he met me. He’s nice and sweet. He’s a lothario who’s travelled the world and probably known many women, but the day he met me, he’s been single and true. Never any racy photos on Facebook, responds promptly to emails, text messages, has really over-extended himself to try and be with me…and all the while I’ve given him the cold shoulder. He deserves a chance and (again, I can’t fucking believe I’m saying this) I’m actually rooting for him and hoping there is something genuine between us. He’s smart, interesting, kind, loving, best of all a Burner, and worst of all–un-fucking-employed and in so much credit card debt I fear for his financial safety.
So now that I’ve found someone I think I’m really starting to like, I don’t think much about the others. Ahh yes, there are still others.
There is my b-school sweetheart in LA who always makes me smile with his text messages on Christmas and New Year’s. “I’ll always do the cooking! But you gotta kiss the chef.”
Both my soul mates have become ‘sole dates.’ I’m considering them one-hit wonders. There is the one in NYC who didn’t respond to my last email. I made the effort to email one more time to wish him a happy new year and he said he headed to Brazil for vacation and would be back in two weeks. The other one went to Tahoe with his family for the last couple weeks of the year. Similarly, I called to be nice and wish him a happy new year. Being the one initiating gets kinda old. So out of sight, out of mind. I refuse to contact either of them again. And once they decide to come back home from doing the rumba with the latinas or chumming it up with the ski bunnies, they can decide to call me and make up for lost time. But for now, all y’alls been replaced, suckas!
Tomorrow I go on a date with a former crush who has literally crushed my heart several times in the past. I’m so confused as to how to act. 1) Let the past go and just be nice for once! 2) Talk about what happened so he’s clear I’m not some ditz who allows hot guys to waltz back in after they’ve kicked her to the curb. 3) Kick him where it hurts! I’ve got the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. My burner friends plead with me to give him a chance. “He’s such a nice guy. You guys are so cute together.” I’m too nice to disagree and yell, “That mother fucker romanced me on the playa, then when it was time to go back to the real world, he told me he had someone back home!” These thoughts of vengeance are never far away and I know I need to banish them forever. I’ll never be drama-free and happy if I don’t.