I relented on going out with another guy since one soulmate is in NYC and the other had a symposium all weekend in Berkeley.
I’m just going to put this out there. With a few exceptions, I really do not get along with men who do not have the same educational background as I do. It’s the truth. I can tell that they’re not as well-read; they’re not quick on their feet. I’m just not attracted to that! I like smart, sharp, academic men who read A LOT.
Here are snippets from Jack’s profile.
Education: Although I did go to an Ivy League school, if I were to put it down, it might come off as egocentric & showy or that I were totally insecure with my education. Either way, I look dumb putting down a good skool. I think that’s what they call irony!
Last read: Reading is for people who cannot play sports! 😉
Ok, that should have been a fucking red flag right there. His emails back and forth were always very short. Not a big deal. I like brevity. But prior to our date, I got him on the phone and considered calling it off. He sounded like he barely has an Associates degree.
He continued to aggravate me when I threw out some bar suggestions and he said, “Those are ok defaults. Why don’t we play it by ear and get back to each other.”
When I got him on the phone again, I said, “So where do you want to meet up?”
He stalled.
I almost screamed, “Look. I’ve mentioned several suggestions and I really can’t help you if you’re not willing to voice some suggestions on your part. So let’s just meet at Tsunami on the corner of Divisadero and Fulton? Ok? I’ll see you there.” Then I hung up.
1) He was late.
2) My cell phone had absolutely no coverage at the bar.
3) He called and texted several times, but it didn’t get through.
4) When he did finally reach me, I picked up to say hello, but the phone died immediately afterwards.
5) He never showed up.
Obviously it wasn’t meant to be. He apologized and said it was because he couldn’t get through, but I let him have it.
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jack, i’m going to be totally upfront here because i’m livid that you didn’t meetup with me.
you seriously went to an ivy league school? your grammar is worse than my nephew’s! ok, maybe there were some issues meeting up, but you decided not to come and meet me because you couldn’t reach me? wouldn’t you at least peak your head in and see if i were there like I SAID I WOULD BE! my phone had no reception in the restaurant.
i will wager money that you did not go to an ivy league school. you sound totally clueless and irresponsible.
i wish i could meetup with you so i could tell you all this to your face.
catherine
can i make a suggestion? don’t waste your time informing him of his flaws. he probably already knows them and chooses not to fix them. he’s old enough to know first impressions require a little more effort. he’s already wasted your time. If he truly desired to get to know you, he would have made a better attempt at finding you at the bar period.
standard dating protocol would dictate that you're supposed to have at least one date before you start bickering like an old married couple, cathee.
sorry, couldn't resist!
although you & i look for different qualities in others, i believe our high-pressure upbringings ingrained a lot of similarities in mindset (even if it has manifested in different ways.)
what you said in this post reminded me of something i wrote in my blog last year:
"While I was growing up, there was quite a bit of pressure on the Gasway kids to do well in school. I think my parents simply didn't have a road map of how to raise children, so they figured they should just make sure we aimed high. Best is best, right? My mom has told me in the past that her family members were all quite brilliant but equally adept at self-sabotage. She said (in not so many words) that there was a pervasive fear of success in her home and thus intelligence was largely untapped. I often marvel at how well she pulled herself up & out of poverty and is now a successful woman with a PhD in Psychology and one of the most well-read and well-spoken people I know. I must say, my siblings & I look great on paper (all 4 went to Berkeley, 2 of us are lawyers with dual JD/MBA degrees, 1 a veterinarian, & 1 a talented musician.) However, it took me a long time to unlearn what I had somehow picked up along the way: that "average" people with "average" goals are just not as good as the intellectuals in the world. What I did not notice until after college is that most of those "other" people in the world are in fact doing very well in life and, more importantly, are comfortable being themselves (something I cannot say about myself to this day.)"
this is not to say that you should settle if you really want an uber-intellectual mate. as usual, just offering food for thought.
definitely good food for thought. i know i'm elitist. i wish i wasn't. i've always said, i would rather be average & happy than brilliant & dissatisfied. i just know without a doubt, i need someone who is at least on my same intellectual level.
it reminds me of a quote from the great gatsby. speaking about her daughter, daisy says something to the tune of "i wish she were a fool. that's the best thing a girl can be in this world–a beautiful little fool."
well we don’t have to go to *that* extreme now either! 🙂
but one thing i’ve noticed in your dating chronicles is that when someone isn’t up to standards, intellectually speaking, your reaction isn’t so much a we’re-not-a-good-match, live-and-let-live type of conclusion. you appear to have utter disdain for these guys if they don’t meet your cerebral needs.
that’s why i raised the issue of our upbringings. i’ve heard that the quality we detest most in other people is the one that we most refuse to accept as an aspect of every human’s nature…even our own.