My life is a mess. Just when I thought I had true work-life balance, I found my workload multiplied. I thought it was a good thing having so many friends. Now I’m spread thin. I get calls, “Hey evasive one, what’s up? I haven’t seen you in a weeks. When are we going to get together?”
Then there are people who I don’t even consider friends, bugging me for lunch or drinks after work. “Catherine, it’s been three months. Now that earnings are over, I really would like to meet for lunch sometime to catch up.” It all makes me want to scream. What am I supposed to say?
“Look, truth be told, I barely have enough time for my best friends. Now skedaddle and find someone who has more time on their hands to have lunch with you.”
I’ve been thinking about getting on anti-depressants. I’ve never done them before. I always opted out in the end, thinking I’d just go at it on my own. But what if that was the wrong choice? What if I should have been on them my whole life? I’ve always been a sullen person. Always moody as a kid. Constantly thinking I was never good enough. What if drugs could have helped me?
I started thinking about it last night when a friend told me she had talked to her doctor about it. Funny thing is…she isn’t any more ‘off’ than I am. Quite frankly, I think I’m in much worse emotional shape. So if she’s thinking about getting on something. I definitely should get on that bandwagon.
I just always thought it was normal to cry every once in a while at night. I’m not saying I cry every night, but it happens often enough that it probably is concerning. The funny thing is…that’s how I’ve always been ever since I was a kid. I cried and cried and cried at night because I thought my mom hated me, because I didn’t have any friends, because nothing was ever right. Maybe I wasn’t right in the head.
I believe in modern medicine. It’s not like I’d be worse off if I go on anti-depressants. There can only be upside, right? Whenever I’ve considered them, I’ve always thought about a friend who said, “I was on them. Don’t be scared. My dad (who was a doctor) wouldn’t have put me on Prozac if he didn’t think it was the very best thing for me.”
So that’s where I am. I’m really thinking about doing it this time. Maybe it will smooth out my mood swings and make my anxiety go away.
just a question you might want to ask the doctor too…don’t antidepressants curb your sex drive too?
i felt the same way you do cathee. my mom is a psychologist, so you’d think i would’ve grown up realizing meds could be a useful solution to depression. but she works for the county mental health facility so i always had the belief that meds (and therapy) were only for people who were seriously mentally ill.
it wasn’t until my 1st year of law school (which i fondly refer to as The Darkest Year of my Life) that i broke down and saw a psychiatrist and started on Prozac.
I actually wasn’t on it for very long — maybe 6 months — but what i do remember is that it felt like a curtain was being raised. it’s not easy to describe in words, but i’d be going about my daily life and then i’d see myself in the world as a real, living person, rather than just a walking brain. (and not a very kind brain, at that!)
i would describe the way it helps, not in in changing the way you thinking, but actually circumventing the thinking altogether.
and when we’re not fully present in the moment, we’re usually worrying about other stuff…all the time…and that’s what gets us into trouble! 😛
of course i wouldn’t say i’m “well-adjusted” but i’m much happier now than i ever was back then.
if your doctor thinks it’d be worth your while, i say go for it. if it’s not for you, you can always wean yourself back off.
good luck sweetie
Before going on meds – what about something natural – like St Johns wort. Personally I have allergies and am on Allegra and Singulair plus going through immunotherapy. At some point in time when I am ready to get pregnant – I need to be off my meds entirely. Hopefully by then my allergies will be better – if not I am going try accupuncture. I guess the point that I am trying to make is to please be careful that you do not develop a dependency on meds. Just something to think about.
God Bless You