Classical music makes me cry. Or at least the classical, depressing music that I love to listen to. I grew up playing the piano, but I’m most moved by the violin. When I listen to the violin, I feel like the notes are teetering on the edge of a high wire. Those fragile, temporary notes.
I thought I’d listen to my favorite melancholy tunes tonight. No words, just notes, to help me clear my mind. My thoughts are so muddled with how to efficiently use my time. So much work to do. So many people to see, phone calls to make, presents to send, errands to run, laundry to fold, assignments to write, candles to burn. I wrote out my To Do List and started sniffling. Card for Benicio, Disney Store for Nolan’s present, mail Conrado’s present and call for birthday. I have such limited time. Never enough time to spend with people I love. And they feel neglected. Everyone feels neglected which makes me feel rotten.
Besides this, I started to think about my love life and wanting to make the right decisions, knowing I tend to make poor decisions. After several dates will you eventually fall in love with someone because he’s a good guy? One day, will I cave in and finally settle for someone who isn’t everything I want? Why is it that the guy who is everything I want wears a wedding ring? I’m sure so many of you are thinking, ‘What is wrong with this girl? Why is she so crazy?’
What is your advice for me? I need some words of wisdom. I’m sorry I haven’t been lucky in love like you have. I think of my friends who instantly hit it off with their dates. Numerous online success stories. A school or work connection. I have dated more than my fair share, why have my odds been so depressing? Help.