We Are Done!

I adore Love Fest–San Francisco’s rendition of the Berlin-based Love Parade.  I couldn’t go this year because of Benicio’s christening at 4:15pm followed by a reception at the church’s gymnasium.  But I couldn’t resist the late night after-parties.  I took the opportunity to mass-text all my dates.  I would just process and figure out a strategy once I heard back.

First up: one of the Brians.  I am dating four Brians which makes my dating life a tad bit easier…or so I thought.  This Brian said he wouldn’t be able to make it.  He was at a private party.

Next up: the uber-smart, but always says the wrong things Marcus.  On our first date, like a little kid, he gasped, “Wow, you are really short.”  My eyes squinted to half their size as I stared at him evilly.  

“Yes, I’m here at Temple.  2nd floor.  Come meet me!”

Returning to bat:  Brian.  “I’m at this private party on Cesar Chavez.  Come find me.  I will come out and get you.”

I texted happily, “I am with my friends right now.  We are headed to the Anon Salon party.  But I will text you in a bit.  I want you to come home with me tonight.”

After I hit send, my heart skipped a beat.  I started to panic.  I hadn’t been paying attention.  I reviewed my text messages and my outbox.  I had made a mistake.  The whole time I had Brian #1 on the brain…not realizing that another Brian (let’s call him Brian #2) had swooped in.  Even though it was clearly Brian #2’s name on the texts, I had assumed from the beginning I had only been texting Brian #1.

ABORT, ABORT!  I didn’t want to spend the rest of my night with Brian #2.  We were still early on in our relationship.  We had only kissed once.  They were pity kisses for helping me clean up after a party I had thrown.  Brian #1 was the one I really liked.

My chest heaved in and out.  Oh, what to do.  What to do.

Brian #2 sent a giddy follow-up.  “Is my Vixen a little horny girl?”

I immediately followed up.  “Ummm, excuse me?  I find that totally offensive.  Have a good night.  See you another time.”

I was saved.  He continued to text and call throughout the night.  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.  You know I didn’t mean that.  I think you’re the coolest, greatest girl ever.  I didn’t mean that to be offensive.  I was just playing.  Please, don’t be mad about that.  You know I really truly care about you.”

I continued to party and dance with my friends throughout the night.  

I got back to Marcus.  “The line at Temple is so long (I lied.).”

“Do you want me to come out and see if I can help?  I was just out there talking to the security guard.  I sent a girl home in a taxi.”

“Oh no.  It’s ok.  We are going to take off and go to another party.”

“We???  Are you with a date?”

“Hmmm.  You just sent a girl home.  Was she not a date?”

“I won’t respond to that.  Anyhow, I sent her home.”

I smiled as I fired back, “You shouldn’t have.  My date and I are going to another party.”

The fury lit up my cell phone.  “WHATEFFA!!!”

At 4am, I decided to get back to Brian #2 after all of his apologetic pleas.  “I can’t help that you’re an asshole.”

This was the last text/communication of the night.  “Really?  wow?  ok.  that’s that.  thxs for making that clear.  we are done.  good luck.”