Let’s face it. I’m old. It’s 9:45pm and I’m sitting here in bed, typing away on my MacBook. I had a date tonight. I’ll save that for another post. I’m finishing the rest of my bottle of riesling even though I already had a couple glasses of wine at dinner.
I have one wedding to go to this year. I might not even go. It depends on when I head out to Burning Man. I used to have a handful of weddings every year. It’s dwindling. I wonder what it’ll be like when I get married, and you know what?…I laugh! I laugh at the stupid piddly details that bridezillas stress over. I can imagine I probably would have done the same back in my prime, but I’m old. I see things like porcelain gravy dispensers and crystal picture frames on wedding registries, and I swear to God, I laugh out loud.
Are you shitting me? You seriously need this stuff? You’re in your mid-thirties! A nonstick flatiron griddle? Stop being so materialistic. Why? Do you really need another toaster or coffee maker in your kitchen?
I have what I need. I don’t need anything else. Even if I spent $100 per person on a wedding, I don’t need you to buy me something in return. You are there as my guest. I want you to be there. If and when I get married, I’m going to have a backyard hoedown complete with bales of hay and flatbed truck rides. I’ll hire an In-n-Out truck so my guests can order burgers animal style.
Save your money. Don’t waste your time looking on weddingchannel.com. Just come, enjoy, and be thrilled that I met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.