Let’s face it. I’m old. It’s 9:45pm and I’m sitting here in bed, typing away on my MacBook. I had a date tonight. I’ll save that for another post. I’m finishing the rest of my bottle of riesling even though I already had a couple glasses of wine at dinner.
I have one wedding to go to this year. I might not even go. It depends on when I head out to Burning Man. I used to have a handful of weddings every year. It’s dwindling. I wonder what it’ll be like when I get married, and you know what?…I laugh! I laugh at the stupid piddly details that bridezillas stress over. I can imagine I probably would have done the same back in my prime, but I’m old. I see things like porcelain gravy dispensers and crystal picture frames on wedding registries, and I swear to God, I laugh out loud.
Are you shitting me? You seriously need this stuff? You’re in your mid-thirties! A nonstick flatiron griddle? Stop being so materialistic. Why? Do you really need another toaster or coffee maker in your kitchen?
I have what I need. I don’t need anything else. Even if I spent $100 per person on a wedding, I don’t need you to buy me something in return. You are there as my guest. I want you to be there. If and when I get married, I’m going to have a backyard hoedown complete with bales of hay and flatbed truck rides. I’ll hire an In-n-Out truck so my guests can order burgers animal style.
Save your money. Don’t waste your time looking on weddingchannel.com. Just come, enjoy, and be thrilled that I met someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
March 26, 2008 Hillary Says 8-Year-Old Bosnian Girl Was Actually Sniper Bouquet of Flowers Hid Semiautomatic Weapon Accused in recent days of embellishing her story of a brush with sniper fire in Bosnia, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today said “don’t be fooled” by photos showing her being greeted at the airport by a pony-tailed 8-year-old Bosnian girl with a bouquet of flowers. “That was no little girl,” Sen. Clinton told reporters in Gary, Indiana. “That was a covert ops midget sniper.” The New York senator said that moments after the “so-called little girl” presented her with the flowers, she revealed what the bouquet had been hiding: “a tiny semi-automatic weapon.” “Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to use some of the Tae Kwon Do techniques I had learned in preparation for the Northern Ireland peace talks,” she said. Defending his wife against charges that she had yet again fabricated her exploits while First Lady, former President Bill Clinton told CNN’s John King that “Democratic voters have a clear choice this election: do they want a liar or a plagiarist?” “Hillary tells some real whoppers, but at least they’re original,” he said. In response to a question about whether he believes his wife’s account of the events in Bosnia, Mr. Clinton said, “All I have to say about that is Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend Wright Reverend”