Winning the Popular Vote

But this morning I woke up with a vengeance.  I admonished, ‘I’m not going to let that mother fucker get me down.’  So I reverted back to those high school days when it was all about who was more popular, who had more people to back them up, who had the network to support you when you go through a time of crisis.

I definitely have the Asian vote.  Them’s my peeps.

Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  I’ve also got the Catholics and the Christians watching my back.

I’ve got my networks: St. Joseph Elementary, St. Joseph Notre Dame High School, UC Berkeley, Chicago GSB, and my current company’s network.  But that only gets me so far.  I’ve got him beat on Chicago.  I probably have a razor-edge advantage in New York.  But he definitely has the majority in LA.  He went to UCLA and spends a fair amount of time there.

I’ve got the black vote, for sure.  Because we all know, Filipinos are the Blacks of Asia.  And as much as he argued that he had black friends, I never met a single one.

I hate to admit this, but he has a slight advantage with Indians.  While we know just as many Amits and Anjalis, his company outsources to Bangalore.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.  And he’s the one who negotiates the outsourcing.

I thought I was more well-connected.  Whenever he had a party, it was always more of an intimate gathering than anything else.  But then he’d surprise me.  Because all the time we went out, he had people come up and slap him on the back.  “Hey, oh, whaddup, man?  How’s it going?”  And I’d cringe, where are my people?  I know I’m way more popular than him.  Why doesn’t anyone come up to me and slap me on the back?

So I’ve hit the campaign trail, eager to solicit more of a following, more votes.  I traversed the party circuit this weekend.  I handed out a ton of business cards.  I flirted.  I kissed babies.  I smiled for the cameras.  

It all seems so stupid…campaigning…winning.  But it’s better than thinking about getting dumped.  I’ll kick his ass.  Watch me.