No, I’m not talking about myself. But I am going to drop a bombshell on you. I’ve been thinking about it for some time now.
Soon, I’m going to delete my blog. Blogger won’t let me keep a draft of it. It’s either on or off, so I’ve decided to cut it off. Before I completely delete it, I’ll store everything I wrote in the blog somewhere (I guess a simple word document) for safe-keeping or evidence or posterity’s sake. Maybe I’ll give a copy to Daniel since he’s always been my memory keeper.
I love writing, I really do. I’ll keep writing. But honestly, I’m not sure how I feel anymore about the lack of anonymity, how easily my name is googled, my promising career, my love life. I’ll admit my blog almost sabotaged my career. “It’s important that you understand the repercussions. This could have been very severe, Catherine. Very severe. Do you understand?” But I was too valuable for my company to really discipline me. I was just told to remove all the company references. I’d never been disciplined in a job before. The last time I remember being disciplined by someone other than my parents was in elementary school. I was a stupid kid for not having enough confidence in myself (even though I was smart). So I wrote all of the spelling words on my arm for the spelling test. Well of course, I never looked at my arm because I knew how to spell the damn words. But my teacher saw all this vocabulary on my hand and called my parents. That was 25 years ago. Ever since then, I’d been an angel. But as much as the career incident spooked me, I typed on.
I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea anymore for me to continue typing away about my personal life. When I asked Daniel what he thought of my blog he said that it was possible for people to read it without the full context and not necessarily get an accurate picture of who I am…which scares me the most…because I really want to be with someone. And I can’t tell you how many times guys have said to me, “You write a blog?!?! No wonder you’re still single!”
My blog turns three in April. Before Vixen Vignettes gets a chance to celebrate, I’m going to blow the candles out. It’s going to be sooner rather than later, so read up. I won’t give any warning. I’ll just shut it off between now and April 12, 2008.
Until then, I promise lots of presents. Like the post about getting hounded by the black girls. Stuff that I was too scared to write, I’m going to write about now. Stuff I was too embarrassed to say. Stuff that I was scared to write because of what people would say, because of what my parents or family would think. I’m going to put it all out there for you to read. Then extinguish it.