At Cal Berkeley, we say ‘Go Bears!’ I just want to say, ‘Stop Bears!’ Do us all a favor and stop already. It is really embarrassing to watch you fuck up over and over.
I don’t pretend to be a sports fanatic. I’m not. I’m clueless. I need a debrief before I watch a game. Someone has to give me a little background. In the beginning of the season, people kept saying, “We’re actually good this year.” And I laughed and shook my head. But other more loyal fans persisted, “No! We’re really actually good this year.”
Well, people, one or two games does not a good football team make. That’s like taking two quizzes, then failing the midterm. I understand that we were ranked #2, then we plummeted to #12 with the upset by Oregon State. Are we even ranked now? So embarrassing!
So my fellow Cal friend was in town from NYC and we got this crazy idea while drinking our Saturday morning Mimosas and Ramos Fizzes to rally and support our alma mater. “Yeah!!! Let’s go watch the Cal vs. UCLA game!” We got really excited and headed to Bayside–the popular sports bar in the Marina to check it out. The place was packed as always, but overwhelmingly so with Cal grads. The bar was a sea of blue and gold.
It was an exciting game. I’ll be honest, I had a great time watching it. Back and forth, each team cycled through on leading (although narrowly) the scoreboard.
Then towards the end, Cal scores, we’re ahead, just a few minutes remaining in the game. They throw the ball…(again, I really don’t know what I’m talking about here, but apparently everyone at the bar is yelling about them throwing the ball)…the ball is essentially intercepted (hijacked by those BMW-driving ucklas)…and UCLA scores a touchdown. I mean, Bears, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Truth be told, we deserved to lose!
Do your alumni and fellow students a favor and concentrate on what you’re good at—academia.
See you boys next year!