Ok, the header is a misnomer because I don’t have warts plural. I really just have a single wart. I like to think of it as my little sidekick. I can’t even tell you how long my sidekick has been hanging out on the underside of my left foot’s big toe. Wow, that’s a mouthful. I know it dates back to my marathon days, but I honestly can’t say whether I’ve had sidekick for 2 or 3 years. I definitely think he’s been around for over a year.
Sidekick doesn’t hurt. No one ever sees him. He’s not at all inconvenient which is why I haven’t really cared all these years. I barely pay heed to him, but recently I’ve decided he has got to go! I got the idea when I was browsing around the Kaiser pharmacy waiting for my Ambien refill prescription. Browsing up and down the over the counter aisles, I came across all these wart medications. I figured now is the time to zap the sucker out of my life. The tough, calloused skin hardened into a nodule under my big toe needs to be eliminated.
Now the hard part was deciding which wart remover medication to choose. ALL of them stated, ‘Doctor Preferred Method: Faster and More Effective than Traditional Wart Treatment Methods.’ They all said that! So I went with the most expensive one: fucking dimethyl ether and propane. Oh yeah. It’s supposed to freeze the wart right off and at $25, I told the cashier it better work. That’s twice the cost of my 20-pill Ambien prescription.
I’ve been using this doctor preferred method every night before bed for the past two nights and I must say it is slowly working. It doesn’t hurt during application, but I have noticed that that area (now that I’m in treatment mode) is very slightly tender when I walk during the day which makes this process all the more annoying. It didn’t hurt then, but it hurts now. Ugh.
I want this damn sidekick out so badly, I freeze the wart area for longer than I’m supposed to. Most of the calloused skin is gone which I also scrape off with a pumice stone. But now that the excess skin is gone, I realize that the wart is really embedded into my toe. After 10 more days (I’ve got a total of 12 applicators), if this sucker isn’t gone, I’m scheduling an appointment with the doctor to have this damn thing completely frozen off.
Anonymous
Celebrating your body….wart and all..i love it…and that way the next guy that has a foot fetish you run into won’t have any reservations to go to town.