I’d love to have my old gang of friends back–the way it used to be. Just them solo. You can make the case that I dislike my friends’ significant others for selfish reasons. But really, their significant others just aren’t good enough.
Out of my top ten friends:
3 Are single
2 I like their significant others
5 I dislike their significant others
I’ve been thinking about this topic lately because I seem to lash out whenever the discussion among friends turns to ‘the other.’
I roll my eyes, “He is so boring and lame. She deserves so much better!”
We all talk about our friends behind their backs–not vindictively, but as a checkpoint to hear everyone else’s opinions. I love gossip just as much as the next girl, but my closest friends know that I have no problem bringing issues to the forefront. “I can’t stand your boyfriend. I’m so sick of talking about the issues you have with him. I feel like a broken record. He’s using you. Don’t you see it?”
Given my propensity to loathe friends’ sig figs, I’ve been questioning my feelings. What is wrong with me? Do I hate that my friends are committed and I’m not?
But I got an email today from a friend I had met up with a couple weeks ago. I responded immediately, “It was so good to see you, too! I’m glad I got to meet your boyfriend. He is so funny and personable. Let’s all get together when I return from Burning Man.”
This made me think that I am being objective! Here’s an example of someone I liked. Why? Because he was friendly, charismatic. He asked about me, actually seemed interested in getting to know me. He was always watching out for my friend. Did she need another drink? It was obvious he cared and supported her by his words and actions.
Those are the kinds of people I want for my friends: smart, funny, interesting, engaged not just with the other person, but also with their friends.
People tell me I’m too picky, too demanding. It seems to have transcended into who my friends choose as partners as well. I know it’s their life. Really, I just want the best for them. Is that too much to ask? Because I think they deserve better.
oh, i do the same thing but for me the pet peeve is dysfunctional relations. i have to keep reminding myself that people choose each other for a reason and diversity is beneficial in ways not always clear to yours truly.
plus, whenever i do try to change the natural order of the universe, i usually end up making things worse. (think: jane austen’s emma)