After he paid for an afternoon of drinks and then another evening of drinks and dinner, it’s my turn. “Dinner on me,” I offered in an email. Then continued, “one of these days I’ll have to learn how to cook.”
“How about this time?”
Gulp. I agreed and have been panicking ever since. My head is spinning with suggestions and emails of friends’ EASIEST recipes.
Omigosh, seared ahi tuna. You cannot go wrong!
Breaded pork cutlet. So simple!
Pasta and proscuitto. You can make it in your sleep!
Lounging on Marc’s couch the other night, I told him my predicament. “Marky, I agreed to cook for this guy. Can you believe it? I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“So Catchy, I’m going to make the dinner.”
“NOOO! Of course not. I’m just going to have to learn.”
“Listen, you don’t want to fuck this up, alright? It’s all about marketing. And marketing is all about lying. I’ll come over, make the meal. It’ll be simple, but good, so it’s believable. And you can laugh when you’re older and it’ll be a story to tell.”
“That’s funny. Really, but no. I have to figure this one out.”
“Fine. This is the easiest recipe ever. I swear. I’ve made this countless times on a whim. Do you know how to boil? OK, you’re half-way there…”
Of course you could just buy a couple of nice steaks, two baking potatoes, and salad makings. Take some extra virgin olive oil, rub it into the steaks, sprinkle sea salt and a liberal helping to the steaks and put them aside. Drink some wine. Clean the potatoes under cool running water, dry them then use your hands and liberally coat them in olive oil. Use a fork to poke holes into the potatoes–a couple ‘strikes’ will do it, salt the potatoes liberally with sea salt and put them into the over set at 350f directly on the middle rack (be sure and remove the broiling pan and the puppy from the oven). Drink some more wine. Cut up veggies and toss a salad. Drink more wine. Get ready for your date–under no condition be completely ready when he gets there. Drink some more wine. When your date arrives assign him to build a fire in your grille on the patio and place him in charge of cooking the steaks. Set the table. Talk, drink wine, and don’t let the steaks burn. Be sure and take the potatoes out at one hour. Easy, the cooking consists of setting the temperature and timer on the oven.
…er “and a liberal” amount of black pepper on “to the steaks…”