"I’ll Take a Diet Coke."

Me: What is the heaviest thing on your menu?

Deli Attendant: Excuse me?

Me: What is the heaviest, most caloric thing on your menu? Like meaty, heavy, saucy, creamy. Which item do you think has the most calories?

Deli Attendant: Jeez. I have never been asked that before. People usually ask me what the lightest thing on the menu is. But the heaviest. Hmmm. Let me think. I’d say the chicken pot pie or the burger. Yeah, those two. Next, I’d say the caesar salad and we could add chicken.

Me: Ok, give me the burger medium rare. Everything on it. Heavy on the blue cheese. Does it come with fries?

Deli Attendant: No.

Me: Ok, add in french fries. I’m starving.

Deli Attendant: Alrighty, anything to drink?

Me: Oh yeah. I’ll take a Diet Coke.

Deli Attendant collapses into laughter, then proceeds to relay the story to the cook.