Therapy today was good. It’s always good. I’m glad I’m going and I feel like I learn a lot about myself with each session. Today we talked about what I give to relationships, to others. He asked, “What do you bring to relationships?”
“Hmmm. Umm, well, it’s still so early. I’m really just dating a handful of guys. I guess I bring entertainment. I’m entertaining and I’m a good conversationalist.”
“What else? I mean, I think that’s enough, right? It’s not like I can care about any of these guys at this stage.”
My therapist persists. He’s very intuitive. “But you just said that you met someone you really like. You could possibly care about him, right? How can you show him that you care?”
“Umm, well, I go out with him. That’s how I show him. I answer his calls. Right?”
My therapist is silent for a moment. “Do you ever think to say ‘I had a good time. Thanks for paying for dinner. That was nice of you.’ “
“Wow. I guess not. No, I never thought about that. Wow, what is wrong with me. I guess I just want to play the game. Play hard to get.”
“But when a guy pays or shows you a good time, he wants to know that you appreciate it. That’s what will make him feel good. That’s why he would call again…because you are showing that you care.”
“Wow, I never thought about it that way. Ok, I can try that. I guess I’ll feel a little vulnerable doing that at first, but I can definitely try. Yeah, I need to do that.”
And throughout our dialogue, I kept thinking about the past and those I’ve dated and my ex-boyfriends. How I’ve never really been appreciative or complimentary or caring. So sorry. I feel guilty and awful.
I’m getting better, people. I’m trying!
1. Be caring.
2. Be open to relationships. Don’t put the filters on so quickly.
3. Think about the here and now. You are not evaluating for marriage. It’s about getting to know one another. Be present.
4. Ten dates!!! My therapist said that and I laughed out loud. “Adam, I barely can get to five!!!”
“Ten dates, Catherine. You can learn a lot from going out with someone at least ten times.”
Wish me luck.