Ever since I was a kid, I dreampt of moving to New York. I envisioned going to Princeton because I liked the sound of it. It echoed prestige. Ivy League Princeton. Then off to New York, of course. That was the plan. But it never works out as planned. Going to another school was forbidden. Why should I even apply? I had already gotten into Berkeley. Not only that, I was already enrolled as a Senior in high school, having gained early admittance. I pleaded, but my whining got me nowhere. You’re going to Berkeley and that is that. Enough!
In retrospect, I’m glad I stayed. I couldn’t have afforded a private education. I’d still be paying off undergraduate loans to this day. Besides, good old Cal Berkeley gave me the Ivy League education at a meager price. Good value. In addition, we became academic warriors who had to fight for our grades. After four years, you eventually figure it out. How to surmount the graded curve system. You got beat up and shit on academically.
Despite our motto, Fiat Lux which translates to ‘Let there be light,’ most of us were squinting for the light at the end of a long, dark, harrowing tunnel. Because we knew: if I can make it here, I’ll make it anywhere. When I hear the Go Bears chant, I think, “Yeah! Survival. I did it.” I graduated from Cal. I can do anything.
When I sought out graduate schools, I thought for certain I was heading to New York. I made it instead to Chicago which I think of as New York lite. I promised myself I’d make it to NYC after school. And when that didn’t happen, I settled back here in San Francisco. Home sweet home. Comfortable. Affordable. Easy. Very relaxed and easy. I thought this was the end of the road for me in terms of moving. New York would always be the one dream I never got to pursue.
Now, there is the opportunity to move. This is my chance. I’m scared, anxious, fearful. I can’t sleep. I wake up, sweating. It couldn’t have been easier. I feel like God is handing me this opportunity because I was so patient. Because I did what was expected of me. Now, this would be an unexpected move. A jump. I’m hesitating because my life would completely change.
And it would be wonderful.
If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere.