Sniffle-sniffle Cough-cough

All this sickness brought something to my attention. The pediatric clinic I went to as a kid handed out animal cookies when I was done seeing the doctor. I didn’t care that I had to get my shots. I knew I would get cookies on the way out. I guess it’s also genetics because my dad loves sweets. You know how people say, “oh, I don’t like sweets, but I really like salty snacks.” Yeah, I like that too. Chocolate chip cookies, Pringles, Dorritos, Cheetos. What can I say, I love calories.

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People all over our office are hacking their lungs off. My friend G.R. sent me an email that cracked me up today.

“I think there should be some type of sickness voting clause available also. Where if the people around you think you shouldn’t be at work, they can vote to send you home and you wouldn’t be charged for pto.” PTO stands for paid time off.

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Remember how I was telling you that I took some meds that discolored my urine? My pee is back to its normal slightly yellow hue, but I have a newfound appreciation for WIPING. That’s right. I don’t think anyone truly understands how important it is to wipe yourself thoroughly. Do guys even wipe themselves at all?

Pretend your pee is iodine. That’s right, people. If you experienced what I did, you would realize that you really ought to wipe yourself a couple more times than you probably do right now. I’m pretty diligent about stuff like this and even I had no idea until I went on this medication. I mean, I see people walk in and out of bathroom stalls willy-nilly. Spend some time wiping yourself. It’ll make the world a cleaner place.