In response to the post about my dating hiatus, my friend Kristen had some insightful comments (she always does!). I respect Kristen so much I asked her if she would consider being my therapist several months ago! She very politely declined, but she’s always kind enough to send me helpful comments through my blog. I wanted to bring them to the forefront this time so everyone can read. She’s definitely got the right perspective.
“I agree that purposely remaining single without reflection is a bit pointless – you already know you can flourish on your own. I would think the benefit of staying out of the dating scene is on par to meditating in a quiet place or practicing the movements of a golf swing over and over. We do this so our minds and bodies establish a new pattern of action, at a time when there is nothing at stake, nothing to prove. Then when it comes time to draw upon this in the everyday chaos called “Life” we are more likely to turn to our calmer center of focus and follow our new *planned* course of action. Similarly, with the whole dating issue, it helps to independently establish the new patterns you’re striving to make permanent: not requiring external validation to confirm your self-worth, not overreacting about (real or imagined) slights, reaching out in kindness when your ego start to feel threatened… Then when you start dating again, you will be less likely to go back to your old comfort zone where your raw emotions are the ones fiercely in control of your relationships. You will then be able to take the wheel and move forward with a plan. “
– Kristen Wong
Mark
November 19, 2006 at 11:50 amoh come on. comfort zone? You like what you like? I have all for experiencing new things, but you have been out in the world for 30 years so you know what you like.
For instance, I like penne bolognese. I don’t want to try other sauces just to try them. I know what I like. I think part of being older is knowing what makes you happy.
Anonymous
November 20, 2006 at 11:15 amI’m 32 and I don’t find myself falling for every pretty face with a cute smile anymore. With age, like the previous poster wrote, comes the ability to discern. Par example…I went out with this 19 year old nursing student a few weeks ago. She was hot, sexy and flirty. She was great if she didn’t open her mouth (to talk). In conversation, a complete bore with one word answers and no clue about anything in life except the mall and teen movies. I’ve had better banter with a 5 year old. Seriously.
So what’s my comment? Well, I don’t think there’s a point to stopping dating just for the sake of “inner growth”. That in and of itself does not work as a reason for me. It sounds like a fat girl’s excuse, cuz she’s not dating anyway (I know, that’s not you). There are times when self-introspection is helpful. Perhaps after the end of a relationship. When you have occupational stresses. Family problems. Pregnancy. Definately try to hold off dating when you are pregnant. It’s tough.
But then again, everyone has different experiences. I do not know what it’s like to be a hot girl being constantly asked out and bombarded with sexual innuendo. Maybe if lame, greaseball dudes were persistently hitting on me, I’d swear off the whole species for awhile.
For me, taking a hiatus would make no sense. It’s a numbers game. Finding the right one is like hitting the lottery and if you don’t play you don’t win.
Anonymous
November 22, 2006 at 10:55 am“Definately try to hold off dating when you are pregnant. It’s tough.”
OMG, that is too funny!!!