Funny Email

I have to print the following. It’s an email to my sister from one of her friends after she announced the birth of Dominic. It made me laugh so hard, I seriously had to run to the bathroom because I had wet my undies. This is one of the funnies things I’ve read in a long time. I asked permission from the person who wrote it, but he never responded. The guy should seriously consider writing for The Onion. Just in case it’s not something he wants out in open forum, I’ve scrubbed what I could that would in any way identify who he is–which makes it even less funny than it was to begin with, unfortunately.

Howdy,

Thank you for sending the picture, and congratulations on your marriage and Baby. I see that not only did you not become a RN, you also refused to marry a honkey. Well, I know that you were going to be happiest teaching music, and even though you don’t like cracker honkey men, just remember if it wasn’t for us whitey males, there’d be no pianos. So, the world should collectively thank their lucky stars for the people God made in his own image (you know… Germans).

I’ve just been doing super-duper, yadda, yadda, yadda, noise, noise, noise, and all that. I work in Union City, and am up to my balls in East Bay ghetto ass gangsta douche bags! The East Bay is getting even more ghetto by the second. Oh well. What are we gonna do, I don’t wanna leave California because I’m lazy like everyone else and don’t want to shovel snow, or run from tornados.

I was engaged, but it all came to an end after four years. (She refused to become a Republican). Oh, let me just self promote myself here a little… I’ll have you know that you are talking to a fully honored Veteran of the War on Terror. I was recalled to active duty twice. Sept. 11, and at the start of the Iraq War. I got to stay around here, BUT STILL, I mean… I missed all my t.v. shows, had no direct access to burger king… it was terrible. I don’t want to start having flashbacks.

My current Girlfriend is half Filipino, and White. Let’s face it, I love Pilipino bitches! There hot!

Well, congratulations, and keep in touch.