My friend Rob emailed me after reading my recent blog entry. After I carefully read his email, I gave him a call and we were able to talk in length about how I should handle this dilemma. I’ve been friends with Rob since our startup days. Back then I was 23 and constantly asking him for advice–as I do now. And that’s because I value his opinion. Although I don’t always follow his advice, in retrospect, he always seemed to know the right thing to do.
This time, we talked about how important it is for me to be with someone who can handle my past…but at the same time, having that guy understand that he shouldn’t feel threatened by it. He made me think about being honest and how I can build trust in this relationship by entrusting this guy with information about me and making myself vulnerable. But having him understand that I’m allowing that because I see something special in him.
Here was Rob’s email.
Was going to post this in comments on your blog but figured email was more appropriate.
First off, congratulations on finding a quality person to hang out with 🙂
Secondly, I think you are looking at the blog issue the right way: most people are not ready for the undiluted truth about someone’s past (at least until you have a really solid foundation). And yes, although this blog -IS- you there are certain aspects about your (and everyone’s) past that are better left unshared initially with a romantic interest. That isnt to say you should lie if asked about your past, but volunteering a lot of intimate details (as your blog does) could make him uncomfortable at the least.
One other thing about pasts and relationships. I believe the bottom line is this: if you never lie to this guy about anything in your past, then he can trust you when you reassure him re: whatever fears your past triggers in him. That trust means you can basically discuss everything you’ve done in your history. If however he reads something about your past in your blog (or from your conversations) that doesn’t jibe with prior disclosures, then watch out, because trust will be compromised and you will have limited ability to reassure him about anything he is uncomfortable with.