“I’ve got a lot going on. Really busy. Can we please go out tomorrow night?”
I never did get my Valentine’s date. Nick was too busy. Instead, we went out the next night. But the disappointment ran deep. Even before we sat down for dinner, I questioned what I was doing with him. What a waste of time. The end was in sight.
After dinner, we went to a magazine party. He knew several people and introduced me to them, including someone named Jim. After the intros, Jim and I got drinks at the bar.
We hit it off. He asked about my relationship with Nick. I mumbled something about it not being a big deal. There really wasn’t anything going on.
Then Jim confronted Nick. “I think Catherine’s great. Would you mind if I asked her out?”
The night was a big blur for me.
The next evening, I got a phone call.
“Hey Catherine. It’s Jim. I just want to figure out the plan for tomorrow night. I can pick you up…”
“Whoah, whoah,” I interrupted. “Uhh, I remember you from the bar. I remember having a good time chatting with you, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tomorrow night and all.”
“Oh no,” he sighed. “You don’t remember agreeing to go out with me?”
I couldn’t remember. I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Jim had to explain the events of the night. Apparently, I had had a lot to drink. Just the two of us were at the bar. We got along great. We got along so well that we snuck out back and made out!
I was flabbergasted. While he was talking, I kept asking, “That really happened? Are you serious?”
He continued. Jim said Nick looked upset when we returned to the bar. Nick said it was time to go and whisked me away.
I listened to Jim recount this story in shock. I didn’t remember most of it. We talked more. Yes, of course we could go out.
After hanging up with Jim, I called Nick. Nick had never mentioned anything to me. About being upset or anything at all. I didn’t remember having any sort of conversation in the car ride home.
But this was it. Decision time. I was ready for whatever. It didn’t matter anymore.
Me: “Jim asked me out. He said you didn’t seem to mind. What do you want me to do? I just want to figure us out. You and me.”
Nick: “I didn’t think Jim was serious. Look, I like my life the way it is. I don’t want a girlfriend.”
I knew that was coming. I knew it the whole time and should have ended it long ago. I was just hoping that one day he would really want to be with me.
I didn’t feel anything but relief. I had been pining for someone who wasn’t right for me, someone who didn’t care about me.
Once the truth came out—it seemed like my life became right again.
Glad to have the wrong guy out. He was just dead weight poisoning my life. No emotion for him or us. Again, just relief for me. I think I handled it well. Hung up the phone, went to bed, and slept soundly. I was surprised at how unemotional I was. I didn’t feel any sadness whatsoever.
I wish I could have done the right thing earlier. Known what was best for me and acted on it decisively. But in the end, no matter what your loved ones tell you, no matter what you’ve learned from the past, no matter what you know in your head…your heart trumps everything. Stupid heart. One day you’ll soar again. Someday.
Now the math behind my dating scene. I don’t seem to be going in the right direction. One of these days, I swear I’ll learn.
(Nick + Brett + Adam) – Nick + Jim = 3 guys
And very recently.
3 + 1 = 4 guys
But that is another story.