Still Three

I’m uneasy about giving an update because I haven’t sorted all my emotions out. A lot of people are giving me the same advice—drop two of them, go for the good guy. I know my friends have my best interests in mind, but I’m not there yet. What is wrong with dating three guys? They offer me different things. There are characteristics I like in each of them. Can’t I take the whole dating situation in stride and see what happens? Why must I make decisions right now. At this very moment. I feel like that’s what everyone wants me to do. Maybe it is best for me. But maybe not. Still grappling.

I’ll start with Nick. Between me and you, I’m so in love with this guy, I can’t see straight. I often think I would rather be with him—the instability, the selfishness, the cheapness, all of it—than be with anyone else. I would take all the bad to be with him. But at the same time, I can’t stand it anymore! I’m torn. I told him I wanted us to be ‘off’ or ‘on.’ His choice. Somehow he got away with not giving me a direct answer, insisting that he never got the sense that I liked him in the first place. Can we try hanging out more.

I went off to Minneapolis. By the end of the week, I was so annoyed that he didn’t call me, I drafted up an “I AM SO DONE WITH YOU” email. I didn’t have the nerve to hit send. I called him on Friday when I returned and he said he wanted to see me. He was going to happy hour with a bunch of his friends, would I come so I could meet them. I was pleased. That’s a step in the right direction, eh?

Well, I didn’t expect Nick to pickup the phone when I called him on Friday. I’d already made plans to hang out with Brett that night.

On to Brett. I don’t know where I really stand with Brett. I’m not sure if he’s dating other girls. I don’t want to ask because then I’ll have to admit to dating other guys. But Brett’s the kind of guy who would make a great boyfriend if he were committed to you. He took his camera out and took pictures of me. We walked around his neighborhood with his arm around me. That’s a good sign, right? I like him because he’s laidback, funny, charming.

Before leaving his place to get dinner, he handed me a paper cup with ice and told me to fix a drink. He’s got everything you need to make whatever drink you want. I poured myself a vodka tonic. Then he placed a plastic coffee lid on the paper cup. “See,” he beamed. “We get to walk around with alcohol in our hands and no one will ever know. They’ll think we’re drinking coffee!” I was so impressed. He said he wants to get brown sleeves for the cups for the full effect. The whole concept is ingenious.

Valentine’s Day is upon us. This perennially single girl hates the holiday. I even hated it when I wasn’t single. I think it’s stupid and cheesy and puts unnecessary pressure on guys. But with three guys in my life, I’ve been curious to find out if any of them will act on the holiday. Not sure if Nick realized it was Valentine’s, but he asked if we could hang out on Tuesday. So I guess I have a Valentine’s date.

I don’t know what to think of Nick. He’s hard to understand. Then there’s Brett who’s uncomplicated. He offers me the warmth and affection that I don’t get from Nick. It’s just fun to hang out with Brett, get dinner, drink beers, then go back to his place and watch TV.

And lastly, there is Adam. Praise the Lord that Adam has been vacationing in Europe for the past two weeks and doesn’t get back until this week. Before he left, we went out for dinner and drinks. There’s a connection between us—a connection I’ve never had with anyone else I’ve dated. I’m quiet and always at a loss for what to talk about next. With Adam, there’s always so much to talk about. I feel like I can spend hours talking to him—and I’m only like that with my good friends. Before he left, he sent an email: stay warm while in Minneapolis. Mid-vacation, he sent me another email asking how I was doing.

That’s the update. Again, the whole situation of dating three guys makes me uneasy. But for now, I’m just going to keep at it. Who am I…the Bachelorette? Must I eliminate guys at this very moment?

One day at a time, slowly but surely. I have to do what’s right for me.