Be Careful What You Ask For

I’ve been on Match.com for two weeks now. Like I said previously, I am completely overwhelmed. I can’t filter guys out fast enough and my Gmail account is about to hit capacity. Given the response rate, I think I need to switch careers and go into marketing. People should pay me to write their dating profiles. But for you…a friends and family / blog reader discount.

The guy posted above is JAson. That’s how he signs his name. I doubt he’ll mind being featured on my blog. More PR for him; he’s a model. Isn’t he HOT! But he lives in Santa Cruz. Bummer.

I’m lucky, I can be picky. There were many guys I corresponded with, but I only followed through on meeting three of them. Here’s what got them through. 1) They were attractive, smart, and had interesting profiles. 2) Their persistence was subtle. If it took me a while to respond, I’d get an email saying, “Hey, hope all is well with you.” 3) They all suggested a time and place to meet up.

Date #1
Brett
32 years old
Northwest Regional Sales Manager
Favorite Food: Pizza

On my first date, I couldn’t believe my luck. Attractive and smart with a dose of southern charm. I was smitten! At the end of the date, he even quipped, “I think Match worked for us. Don’t you?” We’ve gone out since then and he’s doing everything that guys don’t ever do early on. He’s given me the code to his apartment. He refers to our future together. Once when I threw a little fit, he said firmly, “I don’t stand for that kind of behavior in a girlfriend. Come here, let’s talk about it.” He’d scoop me into a hug, then we’d start talking.

Now a Blast from the Past
Nick
37 years old
Artist / Genius

Everything’s moving really quickly with Brett. I really like him. Because of Brett, I decided to give Nick the boot. Yes, don’t kill me. I’m only human. He’s still been around this whole time. We went out for brunch, came back to my place, and I gave him the death knell. Whatever we had between us was done. I was through with him.

Well, the smart ass side-swiped me. Nick proceeded to lecture me on the character flaws that you (my readers) don’t know about. I give mixed signals. I don’t call. When he visits me, I don’t seem happy to see him. I’m cold and distant. I’m not pro-active. He can’t tell whether or not I like him. How could I blame him for being neglectful? He said he was only reacting to the vibe he was getting from me. He was right. I can’t fully blame him. His comments rang true. I am cold to an extreme. I guess it’s my strategy. Whoever can get through to me is really worth my time and love. It’s a bad strategy, but something I’ve always abided by. I never saw a lot of affection between my parents and I kinda think that has played into how I act in my own relationships. Cold and removed.

Nick said he wanted to spend more time with me. Can we do that? I just need to tell him what I want. Let’s try. I was ready to be done with him forever. Now he is back on.

Date #2
Lionel
38 years old
Bicoastal Corporate Lawyer
Divorced

I met Lionel over coffee. Lionel is a loser. The guy could not stop talking about how great his life is. “I have a place in the Marina. It’s great I love it. It’s got an amazing view. Then there’s my place in Manhattan. It’s two levels, overlooking Bryant Park…”

“Wow! That’s amazing!!” I’d exclaim.

He’d follow up with, “Yeah it is amazing. My life is really amazing.”

More from Lionel: “I love San Francisco. I consider this place home. I love New York, too. My firm is based in New York, but they love me so much they fly me back and forth, wherever I need to be. I mean, I can’t believe it. My life is really great.”

I got so sick of hearing how great his life is, I drank my mug of steaming hot chocolate in large gulps. I wanted to get out of there fast. He was so annoying.

Date #3
Adam
30 years old
Lawyer
6’4”

Lastly, there’s Adam. I know, I know. I’ve already got my hands full, but this was someone I had struck up an email conversation with early on. He works near me and asked if we could meet for coffee. Before meeting him, I prepped myself, “One hour at the most, then you’re done. Be nice. Back away. And run for the hills. Besides, the guy is 6’4. He is too tall for you!”

I don’t have the time to juggle three guys. I desperately wanted to not like him.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised. We had a great time chatting. There’s a lot we have in common—except for the height thing. We went out again for drinks this evening. Of all the guys, Adam seems the most sincere and the most put together. He’s a true gentleman, opening my car door, insisting on paying for everything. And he’s witty. I couldn’t stop laughing on the way home, he was telling me the funniest thing.

So I’m sitting here writing this and I’m kind of sad. Sad that I’ve met three wonderful guys. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do…

More soon.